Jumping forward a good 10 years ( I will fill in the gaps I promise.)
I’m now working for a company in London, designing fashion shows, but this blog is not about that.
It’s about a very rough time in my life.
From a rocky relationship, my sister dying, falling pregnant, meeting Ross to giving birth to my beautiful daughter Marly-Kate.
I go for that all important interview that starts of a spiral of bad events.
I get the job, now looking back I wish I hadn’t taken it, even though a few things have come from me slugging my guts out, I have lost everything mainly because of it.
At my interview I met this guy and he asks me out on a date.
I think why not, I have nothing to lose, it’s just a date after all. Nothing ever seems to come of them. Maybe that’s down to my walls being to high and not letting people in.
Well the date went ok and we ended up dating for a short while.
Matt later became the blood father of Marly-Kate.
In the short time we dated, he cheated and cheated more behind my back.
I just took it, I guess I just didn’t care enough to let it upset me.
We were more friends than partners, and yes I was wrong for the reasons I stayed with him, I was lonely in a strange city.
We draw further and further apart, which I wasn’t to bothered about, I sank my head into work, which caused problems.
Then the worst thing happened, I got a call saying my beloved sister had passed away.
Shock took over and heart-break.
Jane was not just a sister but one of my best friends.
I flew to Paris to be with my family.
Journeys to Paris always since have been hard, I now can not stand to be there.
Matt flaw out a few days later, he knew I did not want him there, which proved to be the end of that relationship.
I told him to leave as I had to be with my family who needed me more than him.
And then I find out I’m pregnant, now that was a shock and a half. And if I’m honest, could not have come at a worse time.
My life was an emotional roller coaster at this time.
I decided to do the right thing and try to work things out with matt, we tried for a few weeks but on returning to his after work, I found him making out with one of the women I work with.
Last straw, I was gone.
There was a little more to my leaving than that, I had become friends with this amazing guy on Facebook, we spoke most days and there was a connection there, that I hadn’t felt with anyone in the past. This guy was incredible, he made me laugh and smile and forget all my worries.
He was my knight. He saved me from a dark place, and just from words, as yet we hadn’t met.
Within weeks, feelings of friendship had turned to much more, feelings I have never felt before, and did not understand.
Yes I was falling in love with him.
I can hear you now saying
” how when you have never met”
That didn’t matter, to me it’s about what lies deep within a person’s soul, the personality.
It’s where the true beauty lie.
I was totally crazy about him, and still am but more so.
Anyway months go by and I have to return to Paris. I’m leaving work to have the baby and have to sign off paperwork relating to a show.
Work all finished with and I’m all ready to return to England, to have the date I have longed for.
And then my waters break, 10 weeks early, within hours Marly-Kate was born.
She was taken away, without me even seeing her, I was left alone to wonder what was happening to the tiny baby girl I had given birth to.
I can’t express to you the fear I felt for the hours I was left alone, not knowing what was happening.
All I wanted was to see her, for Ross to be with me, I longed for him to be with me.
Finally I was allowed to she her.
Sitting by Marly-Kate’s incubator, watching her struggle to breath, fighting to stay alive, my thoughts run wild, how could I make something so beautiful, tiny and perfect. As I gazed at her, one wish comes to mind, how I wish that she was Ross’s, that he could be sat here, finger in her hand, smile on his face, knowing he is her daddy.
She was so desperately ill and I needed him to be with us.
I wanted him with us.
Months went by and Marly-Kate became worse, she fought everyday to stay alive. She’s a true fighter. She never gave up.
Ross was always there, throughout the bad and the good times, my hero, he was suffering too, not being able to be with us.
Life was hard really hard, living in a hospital, day in day out.
No wonder depression set in, which has been a nightmare in my life ever since.
Marly-Kate is healthier than she has ever been.
And in time she will grow stronger and I know she will never give up her fight. She one brave little princess.
Maybe she should teach mummy how to be so strong.