” You can’t have heartbreak without love,” “When your heart was really broken, then at least you know you really loved him.”

My father has told me over and over a million times that I’m worth nothing, that I will never be worthy of anyones heart or time.

Tonight as I once again try and sleep through the pain, I feel his words running rings around my mind.
I feel more alone in life than I have done before. I hate myself more than ever and am now at the point of despair.
I’m fighting off the anger of being judged, the one thing I hate more than anything.
I need to grieve but feel wrong in doing so until I have proven what I have to prove , even though deep down I know I shouldn’t have to prove anything.
I feel the world is against me and I have no where to turn, for the one I trust, is not there to listen or hold my hand and help me through this heart crushing time.
I reach out constantly to him, in turn making myself hurt even more.
I’m so lost without him.
Loosing not only my soul mate but my best friend too is the most painful heart and soul destroying thing to ever  happen to me.
I’m now more lost than ever before.
I’m totally broken.

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