Come down and see us, we all float down here.

joker-girl-stephen-king-it-clown-scary-131665I have been looking at my life from all different angles in the last few weeks, working through my fears, depression and many other flaws I have.
I have spent many hours over the last two weeks sat with a bereavement councillor.
She has hit many topics, which have disturbed me on a deep level. No one wants to re-live their past and those feelings that have been buried so deep that, you almost can put them out of your mind.
Yesterday, we talked about fear. Fear is a funny thing, one I still don’t understand, I know though that it has controlled my life for a very long time. I have blogged about fear before, so I will not go back over the same old rubbish I have posted before.

I wish to blog about my biggest fear  – CLOWNS.
I do not know when this fear started, I can not remember being that scared of them as a child, ok they may have made me feel uneasy and I wouldn’t go to a party that had a clown booked. I believe my real fear came from the media, one film scared the living day lights out of me.
Stephen Kings – IT.
I don’t think I slept for weeks after watching it, I remember me and my friend Becky, just holding each other in fear as we hid behind one another, how we got to the end of the film I do not know.
I am now terrified of them, to a level that if I see one in the street, I run like hell for leather.Only a few months ago on a trip to London, I had to face that fear, I laughed it off, but omg, it was terrifying, truly heart racing, and not in the good way.So why is there such a fear of this awful beasts ?
research suggests, that it comes from childhood. Visits to the circus. Though these are meant to be fun, with bright colours, happy faces and lots of candy, if you think about it, every thing there is strange, a different world to what is the norm in a child’s life. It’s not even a pleasant one. A circus to me is just freaky.

So what is it about clowns that scare people ? Here are few reasons I found on blogs etc. They did make me giggle to myself.

  • Big Feet.
  • They Wear Onesies.
  • Movies clowns, are all killers
  • Hyuk Hyuk Laughter.
  • Grown Men with Freckles Painted on Their Face is Inherently Terrifying.
  • Most Clowns Are Alcoholics.
  • They Can’t Afford More Than 1 Car.
  • Red Paint Around Their Lips?

That leaves me with, how the hell do I get over this fear?I tried facing it, even dressed up as one, for a fancy dress party, didn’t work, just scared Marly-Kate. Bless her I’m sure now she will grow up to be freaked out by them as well. At least I wont have to book one for a party 😉

Let us form one body, one heart, and defend -Someday when the pages of my life end, I know that you will be the most beautiful chapters.

382535_386305334767211_1805782570_n11 July 2012. (Date 4 – Portsmouth historical docks and walls.)

I’ve just arrived home after yet again another superb date with you and we finally got our thunder-storm, and you know what, it was so much better than how we imagined it, a few more people around but never mind, that only brought a little more adventure to the beauty of it all. Along with some hairy scary moments there.

The Warrior we just fitting, playing with the big boys and guns 😛

She’s a beauty of a vessel, but nothing on those eyes of yours, I would rather gaze into the all day long.

Hee hee, I wasn’t the only one staring, think we shocked more than a few people today. I will never forget the moment when you got caught with you trousers down, not just once. Wrong of me to leave you standing to attention, but gives us a story to tell later on in life.

I think that moment, just made the day more perfect.

Well the heavens opened and played music for us to run along the streets to, trying to find somewhere dry to go, I think it was meant, because finding the pub, and playing a rather heated game of pool, our first game of pool together, couldn’t have been better. Changed the way I look at pool for a lifetime.

Baby well you know it only got more heated from that point and wetter to, skies heavy with rain, but our hearts full of the warm fluffy stuff, I think they call LOVE. Lust and passion added to that.

I can’t help but laugh to myself when I think of those poor children’s faces, when they walked into our hideout, no one should learn those facts of life that young, lol. I have got to say this is one date I will never forget. I don’t think I will ever forget any of them. They have all been so special.

Once again it was over too soon, they always are. It gets harder and harder to leave you, the more time we spend together, the more I don’t want to leave.

One day please just keep me, lock me and away, but don’t forget to feed me 😉

Loving you more than ever before, until tomorrow  xxxxxxxxxxx