I have been looking at my life from all different angles in the last few weeks, working through my fears, depression and many other flaws I have.
I have spent many hours over the last two weeks sat with a bereavement councillor.
She has hit many topics, which have disturbed me on a deep level. No one wants to re-live their past and those feelings that have been buried so deep that, you almost can put them out of your mind.
Yesterday, we talked about fear. Fear is a funny thing, one I still don’t understand, I know though that it has controlled my life for a very long time. I have blogged about fear before, so I will not go back over the same old rubbish I have posted before.
I wish to blog about my biggest fear – CLOWNS.
I do not know when this fear started, I can not remember being that scared of them as a child, ok they may have made me feel uneasy and I wouldn’t go to a party that had a clown booked. I believe my real fear came from the media, one film scared the living day lights out of me.
Stephen Kings – IT.
I don’t think I slept for weeks after watching it, I remember me and my friend Becky, just holding each other in fear as we hid behind one another, how we got to the end of the film I do not know.
I am now terrified of them, to a level that if I see one in the street, I run like hell for leather.Only a few months ago on a trip to London, I had to face that fear, I laughed it off, but omg, it was terrifying, truly heart racing, and not in the good way.So why is there such a fear of this awful beasts ?
research suggests, that it comes from childhood. Visits to the circus. Though these are meant to be fun, with bright colours, happy faces and lots of candy, if you think about it, every thing there is strange, a different world to what is the norm in a child’s life. It’s not even a pleasant one. A circus to me is just freaky.
So what is it about clowns that scare people ? Here are few reasons I found on blogs etc. They did make me giggle to myself.
- Big Feet.
- They Wear Onesies.
- Movies clowns, are all killers
- Hyuk Hyuk Laughter.
- Grown Men with Freckles Painted on Their Face is Inherently Terrifying.
- Most Clowns Are Alcoholics.
- They Can’t Afford More Than 1 Car.
- Red Paint Around Their Lips?
That leaves me with, how the hell do I get over this fear?I tried facing it, even dressed up as one, for a fancy dress party, didn’t work, just scared Marly-Kate. Bless her I’m sure now she will grow up to be freaked out by them as well. At least I wont have to book one for a party 😉