This is not a blog I wanted to write and not sure if it will ever get posted
Yesterday I met up with Ross
On seeing him my heart melted, I fall hopelessly in love with him all over again , not that I ever fall out of love.
I was there to prove to him my life which I failed at in the biggest possible way.
Now he hates me and I can’t live with that pain.
We had such an amazing morning, we held hands and he looked at me with love in his eyes.
He took me out on a rowing boat and we laughed and were happy like we use to be
It was the most amazing feeling and few hours and when I stole a kiss, my world turned to bright shining lights and I felt complete.
But I balls up, I made the biggest mistake of my life.
Now he wants nothing more to do with me and I know it’s my own fault and understand his reasoning but its killing me.
I’ve lost my soul mate, my best friend and my life.
I’ve also learnt that everyone I’ve met from his life can’t stand me and pretty much never have and have judged me from day one.
The people who I grow to love and see as my closest friends and family, all hate me. That is soul-destroying.
It’s been made pretty clear what they have always felt.
I’m being judged on every level and being treated like shit for making one mistake.
Hasn’t every one made mistakes because they wanted something so much, and loved so much, they didn’t want to lose that.
And all I hear is cruel cruel worlds and it shatters me.
I have not lied about my life, I made one mistake and I came clean and in doing so have lost everything.
I never meant to hurt anyone and all I ever wanted was to love him and him me.
I just wish now that he and who ever is close to him will listen to me and see what I have to show
I know it’s to late, but I wish they would let me try.
If only they would and then they will see the truth.
That’s all I want them to see.