It’s more than just a diary, it’s our love, our hopes, our dreams. It’s us. – Someday when the pages of my life end, I know that you will be the most beautiful chapters.

22 June 2011
Dear Ross,
Today was the start of something magnificent, the start of a new level in our relationship, so I have decided to take that a little further and write you a journal of our time together. Of our relationship. I hope to write in it as often as I can, with special memories and moments in our journey and hope one day I will get to give it to you as a little something special for you to keep as our relationship grows.
Well today started more than a little stressful, with disappointment at having to let you down.
I can truly say, I am so disappointed, more than, totally gutted if I’m honest but you know what, what came from today, was the most treasured moment. I got to hear your voice for the first time.
Time was going so slow waiting for you to get home. Over and over in my mind I kept thinking, ” he must be home by now.” I had to control my shaking hands and try to get some work done, instead of refreshing my page. I’ve never felt so nervous, I was going to speak to you finally, why have I never called before?
Picking up the phone dialling your number, I swear I was going to be sick. What if you didn’t answer, what if you didn’t like what you heard on the phone. What if I put you off ?
My emotions and fears were running at an all time high. I was so scared.
And then you answered the phone. I heard you voice and it took my breath away. You have the most sexiest voice I have ever heard. My knees went weak and I felt faint, I don’t understand how you had that effect on me with just your voice.
I just knew I didn’t want our convocation to end, I did not know how I was going to put the phone down, little did I know you were struggling with the same problem.
That hour we spent chatting on the phone seemed like minutes, it was way to short. The whole time, my heart was a flutter and I knew that something delicious was happening.
I feel now totally lost in you. I can’t get you out my head. I need to hear your voice once more to confirm to myself I’m not dreaming, that your there and wanting us as much as me.
I’ve fallen for you so hard, I’m totally crazy about you, more so than I’m letting on and if you could have seen my little dance around my office after we hang up I think you would know how I feel and happy you make me.
I can’t believe I have fallen this hard, all I know is I love this feeling. I love the feeling you give me.
Thank you for being the best thing to ever be in life.
So until next time, I blow you kisses and hope they find you.
With all my love Rose xxx

My New-Years resolutions is you – Someday when the pages of my life end, I know that you will be the most beautiful chapters.

Happy New year darlin,
I so didn’t want to leave, I never want to leave you.
So we finally got to see the New-year in together, what can I say, once again every second was perfect. Wishing you a happy new year and that midnight kiss, was scummy.
The best new year start ever. Just being in each others arms. Thank you for spending it with me.
Even though a different night from the normal clubbing New Years Eve’s, I have to say, this was so much better and I would love every News Years to be like this one.
Lighting our lantern together was so cool, our little messages we wrote and the moment it took flight as we held hands and got excited. Perfect moment in my eyes.
It’s these little moments that mean the most.
Even being with other people, when we are together, when we look at each other and make a memory that it’s all about us. Our love, our story, our future.
So the new year is ahead of us and there is so much I want to do and share with you. I know we have the rest of our lives together but right now all I want is to be back in your arms, making our year the best ever.
I know as long as we are together life will be fine and dandy.
So here’s to our year, here’s to our future, here’s to us.
Happy new year darlin.
Until tomorrow I love you with all I am and have.
I love you x

I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate – My life is my message.

So you want to know how I got into fashion and maybe why, as I dislike fashion intently.
Well my friend Cassie got a job at a company as part of her training to become a security. She was having a blast and had met a few great people, who I had the pleasure of meeting on a few nights out.
A job came up in the office so I thought why not, nothing to lose so I filled out the forms and went for it.
The interview was terrifying, I was well out of my comfort zone, there was no way I was going to get this job and to be honest I wasn’t even that bothered. A job in a shop would have suited me, no head ache at the end of the day, you can just shut off when the door closes. Suited me down to a tee.
I knew nothing about fashion and disliked the industry. Give me jeans, singlet and hoody any day of the week. I was built for comfort not glamor.
Somehow I managed to get this job, no idea how I pulled that one-off. ( I can not state this companies name just yet, as if I do not sort out my problems with Ross, I hope to go back to work for them. I can’t burn all my bridges for love, I will need to get my life back on track, hopefully love will win and I can then fill in that blank. Ross you only need to ask and I will tell you)

So I started, mainly filing and taking the post around the office. I was really at the bottom of the ladder.
Kinda liked it that way. Well a few months in, I was offered to be trained as a photographer within the company, that was kinda cool, loved snapping pics, not that I like being in them ( hate my photo being taken)
I worked hard and I think I became pretty damn good at it. It was action packed, going out on shoots, working with a good team of people, days were fun. Work then seemed to take over my life, working all hours on shoots, from fashion shows, to photos at casting calls, to studio work. I sank my teeth into work well and truly, to escape from home life. Even stepped in front of the camera a few times, I know right shocking.
The company than begun to get into trouble, and ventured out in different areas, making small movies, which can be seen mainly on line if you get my drift. A few of my closest friends got involved with these, but I found it hard to stand and watch. Even just taking pictures, was turning my tummy. This is not what I had signed up for. I began to do a lot more studio work, my that was so boring, it drove me crazy, I couldn’t take the boredom any more and asked if I could be transferred to a different department.
My boss agreed so it was back to filing, making calls and drinking way too much coffee. Basically my day, was endless calls to models booking them for shoots, the odd photo shoot to stand in for someone off sick. I can truly say my job was a bore.
I had become good friends with one of my sort of bosses, he was a designer for shoots and fashion shows, I would sit for hours looking at his ideas, putting in my two cents worth, trying to help. It was fun and took the boredom out my day.
Strange thing is, when I first started this job, I could not stand to be in the same room as him, I found him arrogant, cocky, totally full of himself. Could not stand him. I was so wrong. Porter became one of my closest friends. He has helped me through many troubles in my life and I owe him a lot. I thank him for all the time he sat and schooled me not just in work but in life to.
I got you wrong so very wrong, I judged you on your look, life and never gave you the benefit of the dealt. I’m so sorry. I did the one thing I despise. Thank you for forgiving me.
Life ticked along in the office, I started to plan my own shows and shoots, not showing them to anyone, just notes after notes on my computer. My mind would swim with ideas, most of them way to far out there to ever show, but I was enjoying myself, I was creating in a small way. I finally had a passion for something since giving up my dream of beings a sports professional.
It also kept me from thinking to much about how bad my life was away from the office.
One drunk night, I let it slip that I had all these ideas. The guys got on to my pc and read every idea I had ever had. I felt ashamed at how bad they must have been, I knew nothing really about what I was doing.
Porter and Al turned around and just looked at me. No words were spoken. My heart sank, were they really that bad. Had I wasted hours even months of my life trying to do something that I was no good at. I had failed on a personal level. Ok it really didn’t matter, but at the time I felt awful. I just wish they had said something. I fogged it off and carried on with the night smiling and laughing, drinking the issues away.
A few months later, Terry a designer asked me to help him with a shoot. Still feeling disheartened I thought nothing of it but helped anyway. I guess I thought that as a trained photographer he wanted input and was lost for inspiration.
We planned an amazing fashion shoot, which took place in Brighton lanes. What a buzz, pulling together an idea to making it happen. Thing is still to this day, I do not know if those photos were ever used. My feeling now is I was being tested.
The next few months were a blur at work, my marriage had taken a turn for the worst and I had left Rob. I can admit I just didn’t spend much time at work for a good six months, I spent most of my time on my friends boat in the Isle of Wight, hiding away from the crap that Brighton held. I was scared of my own shadow. A very bad patch in my life.
One day I just woke up and thought sod this, it’s time to move on and not hide any more.
I had been contacted by a few company’s to have interviews and decided to try my luck. So three interviews were lined up in London and off I go. Yes I was running away.
I didn’t even think why I had been head hunted, a question I would love to know the answer to.
So I get a job in London, omg scary and I pack up my life and off I go.
Check back soon for the 3rd part of this blog , London – Paris.
I’m such I’ve bored you enough for today.

Alex – Someday when the pages of my life end, I know that you will be the most beautiful chapters.

Once again I’m posting on behalf of Rose, she is awake and brighter today. She asked me to copy and paste the below blog for you. There will be a second blog later today for you.

I’m not sure if this morning I made a mistake or upset you, god I hope I did the right thing. I know I went behind your back but I swear I did it with the best intentions. I never meant to upset you or make you mad.
All I wanted was you to get back in contact with someone I know was a big part of your life, maybe even your best friend.
And although I know it could bring on jealousy ( sorry ) I had to do this and put my own feelings aside, I know that there is nothing to be jealous about, that your feelings are just friendship.
So let me explain to you why I contacted Christy behind your back, in hope to get Alex’s number to give to you.
Baby I did it for you, because I know you miss her. I know friendship is important but most of all, all I want is your happiness, for you to be able to smile at the thought of meeting up with her again. For you to take trips down memory lane and know that I did this for you because I love you and want you to be happy.
I want you to know that I didn’t want to betray you, I was doing this for you and to show you that care.
I hope you will see at some point my reasons, for being sneaky.
You reaction when I told you what I had done, I didn’t understand if you were mad or not, if you are angry for me interfering. It really wasn’t my intention to cause you any pain, hurt or upset.
I just want your happiness.
I’m now hoping that the day gets better and you get to speck to her.

So the day is nearly over and as I climb into bed and reflect on the day, all that runs through my mind is the beautiful status you wrote on Facebook about me :,-)

“my girlfriend Rose Rivers is phenomenal, she honestly only wants the best for me, is looking out for me and loves me. and me her. I love you gorgeous xxx”

Thank you baby.
I love you
I’m so pleased you and Alex have spoken and that you are going to meet up. I just wish I could be there with you, be part of it, but I guess I’ve played my part now and it’s for you two to take the next step alone. Just know that when you do I’ll be with you in thought. I want you to have a wonderful time.
So until tomorrow Darlin I love you and good night x