I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate – My life is my message.

So you want to know how I got into fashion and maybe why, as I dislike fashion intently.
Well my friend Cassie got a job at a company as part of her training to become a security. She was having a blast and had met a few great people, who I had the pleasure of meeting on a few nights out.
A job came up in the office so I thought why not, nothing to lose so I filled out the forms and went for it.
The interview was terrifying, I was well out of my comfort zone, there was no way I was going to get this job and to be honest I wasn’t even that bothered. A job in a shop would have suited me, no head ache at the end of the day, you can just shut off when the door closes. Suited me down to a tee.
I knew nothing about fashion and disliked the industry. Give me jeans, singlet and hoody any day of the week. I was built for comfort not glamor.
Somehow I managed to get this job, no idea how I pulled that one-off. ( I can not state this companies name just yet, as if I do not sort out my problems with Ross, I hope to go back to work for them. I can’t burn all my bridges for love, I will need to get my life back on track, hopefully love will win and I can then fill in that blank. Ross you only need to ask and I will tell you)

So I started, mainly filing and taking the post around the office. I was really at the bottom of the ladder.
Kinda liked it that way. Well a few months in, I was offered to be trained as a photographer within the company, that was kinda cool, loved snapping pics, not that I like being in them ( hate my photo being taken)
I worked hard and I think I became pretty damn good at it. It was action packed, going out on shoots, working with a good team of people, days were fun. Work then seemed to take over my life, working all hours on shoots, from fashion shows, to photos at casting calls, to studio work. I sank my teeth into work well and truly, to escape from home life. Even stepped in front of the camera a few times, I know right shocking.
The company than begun to get into trouble, and ventured out in different areas, making small movies, which can be seen mainly on line if you get my drift. A few of my closest friends got involved with these, but I found it hard to stand and watch. Even just taking pictures, was turning my tummy. This is not what I had signed up for. I began to do a lot more studio work, my that was so boring, it drove me crazy, I couldn’t take the boredom any more and asked if I could be transferred to a different department.
My boss agreed so it was back to filing, making calls and drinking way too much coffee. Basically my day, was endless calls to models booking them for shoots, the odd photo shoot to stand in for someone off sick. I can truly say my job was a bore.
I had become good friends with one of my sort of bosses, he was a designer for shoots and fashion shows, I would sit for hours looking at his ideas, putting in my two cents worth, trying to help. It was fun and took the boredom out my day.
Strange thing is, when I first started this job, I could not stand to be in the same room as him, I found him arrogant, cocky, totally full of himself. Could not stand him. I was so wrong. Porter became one of my closest friends. He has helped me through many troubles in my life and I owe him a lot. I thank him for all the time he sat and schooled me not just in work but in life to.
I got you wrong so very wrong, I judged you on your look, life and never gave you the benefit of the dealt. I’m so sorry. I did the one thing I despise. Thank you for forgiving me.
Life ticked along in the office, I started to plan my own shows and shoots, not showing them to anyone, just notes after notes on my computer. My mind would swim with ideas, most of them way to far out there to ever show, but I was enjoying myself, I was creating in a small way. I finally had a passion for something since giving up my dream of beings a sports professional.
It also kept me from thinking to much about how bad my life was away from the office.
One drunk night, I let it slip that I had all these ideas. The guys got on to my pc and read every idea I had ever had. I felt ashamed at how bad they must have been, I knew nothing really about what I was doing.
Porter and Al turned around and just looked at me. No words were spoken. My heart sank, were they really that bad. Had I wasted hours even months of my life trying to do something that I was no good at. I had failed on a personal level. Ok it really didn’t matter, but at the time I felt awful. I just wish they had said something. I fogged it off and carried on with the night smiling and laughing, drinking the issues away.
A few months later, Terry a designer asked me to help him with a shoot. Still feeling disheartened I thought nothing of it but helped anyway. I guess I thought that as a trained photographer he wanted input and was lost for inspiration.
We planned an amazing fashion shoot, which took place in Brighton lanes. What a buzz, pulling together an idea to making it happen. Thing is still to this day, I do not know if those photos were ever used. My feeling now is I was being tested.
The next few months were a blur at work, my marriage had taken a turn for the worst and I had left Rob. I can admit I just didn’t spend much time at work for a good six months, I spent most of my time on my friends boat in the Isle of Wight, hiding away from the crap that Brighton held. I was scared of my own shadow. A very bad patch in my life.
One day I just woke up and thought sod this, it’s time to move on and not hide any more.
I had been contacted by a few company’s to have interviews and decided to try my luck. So three interviews were lined up in London and off I go. Yes I was running away.
I didn’t even think why I had been head hunted, a question I would love to know the answer to.
So I get a job in London, omg scary and I pack up my life and off I go.
Check back soon for the 3rd part of this blog , London – Paris.
I’m such I’ve bored you enough for today.


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