My words that should never be spoken.

imageThere will come a time in your life when you will fall hopelessly in love with a single soul. For this person you’d do anything and not think twice about it, but when asked why, you have no answer.
You’ll try your whole life to understand how a single person can affect you as much as they do, but you’ll never find out.
And no matter how badly you hate it or how badly it hurts, you’ll love this person without regret, for the rest of your life.
And to be honest, I’m scared, scared of how he makes me feel.
All this time, I was scared of being in love with him and that’s why I couldn’t even see it myself in the beginning, even when it was so obvious to everyone else.
At the very beginning I didn’t want it, I couldn’t, because I knew that if I fell for him, then i’d have my heart-broken. Also I could never make myself believe that I could deserve him so I tried to be his friend because I had to have him in my life somehow but all that time when I was aching to just tell him and try to get something more, I was trying so hard not to fall for his eyes, trying to just have fun and make us laugh, but now, I regret it, I regret the wasted time, not being together.
The time I spent with him was the best I had, and thinking of those few rare moments in my memory makes me smile, at the same time it hurts, it hurts a lot.
I don’t regret my love for him, for it made me more happy than anything else, but I do regret letting him slip away.
I just wish I could go back and have one more chance, and this time, try my best, and not be scared, then at least I would know how it might have been, not feel like I made the worst mistake of my life, and not live with this regret.
He’s always on my mind and I miss him terribly. I hope i’ll have a chance with him someday, because i’m afraid that there really isn’t anyone else for me.
I know that the way I act (write) looks desperate, but the truth is I really am. I’m desperately in love with him and there is nothing I can do about it. I tried everything, I tried to not talk to him, to hate him, tried to forget him. But I couldn’t and can’t. Every time I hear his name, my heart beats a little faster, and no matter how much I try, I can never stop thinking of him and remembering the stupidest little things about him and us. Im told, that you get over someone by falling for another, but then I guess you’ve never known true love, because this love isn’t going anywhere, whether I like it or not.
I just wish I didn’t miss him like crazy, I wish I didn’t cry every time I heard those songs we both loved, I wish I didn’t daydream about him coming back, or us running into each other years from now and falling in love again. I just wish I was stronger but more than anything I just wish we could have our friendship back, because I miss that more than everything.

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