For once I don’t even want to blog, but I feel I have to just for some release.
There are times in life that just pull you through the mill, you have no way to escape what’s going on around you or to you but one thing is for sure in my life, it seems to all come at once and there is no give.
When I possibly couldn’t think life could throw more shit at me, I was pushed off my feet with the worst possible news I could hear from my doctor yesterday.
I’m at a loss to even begin to think about what I was told and I feel helpless beyond words.
And while my family and friends who somehow know the facts and pity oozes from them, I just want them to leave me the hell alone and let me deal with the mountain of information I need to get my head around and the plans I have to put into place.
But you know what, what hurts more than the gut wrenching news, is the fact that the one person I want to talk to, to discuss my options with, I can’t.
Even though my head is full of thoughts, and lists and more lists, I have never heard silence quite this loud before and I have never felt emptiness quite this overwhelming before.
And all I can think is life is way to short, no one should waste it, you should be with the person you love and through the bad times you should pull together, not fall apart.
But I know that I have to deal with this on my own and I should be scared and upset by what the future could bring but the only thing I’m scared about is that I may not see him again,apart from in court, that peace may never be made.
That scares me more than anything that my life has to battle.
And I just wish, for just an hour he could get inside my head and see and feel what I feel.