Just not the same

imageSo I guess it hit me why I’m feeling really low, it’s not the fact I miss him so much, it gives me so much pain I don’t want to face a day with out him
Added to that this time last year we were together, fire spinning and letting off fire works.
It was so special I just don’t have the words to sum it up.
I miss his company so much and even when I’m with my family and friends I can’t get him out my head and all I want is to run away and be with Ross
It’s not the fact I don’t like spending time with them it’s just nothing will ever be like my time with Ross
Last Halloween was perfect in every way.
I just wish I could be back there now

Ross

imageRoss,
I hope you read this.
I just wanted to tell you I love you and miss you so much.
I wish you would talk to me.
Anyway I hope your doing good, I think about you everyday even though I try so hard not to
I love you, I hope you know that
I will love you for ever.
Rose x

I will never understand

imageFeeling a little low today and guess I need to get things off my chest.

Why is it all men or most of them think that a quick slap or punch is the key to being the bigger person or just the answer to everything.

What does it do other than leave nasty bruises and physical pain, also in some cases emotional pain.
I just don’t get it.

Does it really give you power, make you feel good about yourself, show you wear the trousers ?
Does it really empower you so much that it’s your only way of communication ?

I have never once in my life raised my hand in anger, so I just do not understand it.
Ok I’ve thrown a shoe across the room and kicked a few walls in my time but it was never to hurt anyone else.
I really just don’t understand it.

Not……..

imageI once blogged about the fear of the number 13, which has played havoc with my life for years.
Well as we all know we are in the year 2013 and the year started wonderfully, so perfect in fact, no year has started better.
To start the year in the arms of the man I love was the most special moment and I will never forget how he made me feel, the way he looked at me, the way he held me.
Every second was a dream and I knew it would be the perfect year.
And I was right, the first few months can never be matched and then my life crashed and the year 2013 turned to the worst nightmare I have ever encountered.
The number 13 court up with me.
After the afternoon I had today, it made me think about that blog I wrote.
Is it really the number 13 that is unlucky, or is it just me that bad luck, unhappiness and pain just follows me around.
Am I already living in hell because it feels like it. Today proved hell is real and you just can’t outrun some nightmares, they just keep coming. Funny thing is, that one nightmare doesn’t scare me anymore and I’ve learnt that pain is felt so much more intensely when felt in the heart, the body heals, your heart and soul doesn’t seem to.

Next to you

imageYou on the left and me on the right
the way we laid our bodies at the start of the night.
My head on two pillows as yours lay on one, your arm under pillow, holding my hand, the other you used to keep me warm.
I still remember the sweet scent of your hair and the feel of your skin.
As we closed our eyes I knew I was in heaven
The rise and fall of breath from your chest would remind me that this moment was what life was all about. The beating of your heart was the perfect melody.
Your face would go soft and lips would yawn as I was watching you sleep, I would wonder what you’re dreaming, but not having a clue. Your face was so peaceful, such a beautiful sight.
You would mutter in your sleep, and I would have to smile, because my heart leaped a little.
It was amazing how watching you sleep makes me feel.
I could watch you forever, laying there together. I just hoped you didn’t open your eyes, my love for you was painfully clear, and it may have been too much for you to take in.
Sometimes I’d wake while there you still lay, I would lean in close to steal a kiss.
These moments of affection are the ones that I miss.
I’d lay and watch while you lay there and snore, but the most memorable part of those nights was the way in which your eyes would flicker and how your arm would go out to check I was still there, a smile would play on your lips as your arm would gently hold me closer and you would drift back off into a peaceful sleep.
These are the thoughts I now remember the most, the memories in my heart I still hold so close.
As I snuggled closer to you. I finally knew what peace feels like. I only find it, when I’m lying next to you.

Please read Ross

Just thought I would let you know

TRAINS in West Sussex will not run until at least 9am tomorrow morning because of the storm set to hit the UK (October 28).

Southern Rail has announced it will not be running services until the storm has passed.

A statement by the rail firm said: “We have closely monitored the storm that is approaching which we now expect to reach and affect our region between 1am and 9am tomorrow.

“We are advised that there is a strong likelihood that this will mean that trees and other debris may fall on and obstruct railway lines.

“We have worked closely with Network Rail, which has declared that while there is an immediate safety risk of fallen trees obstructing lines, no passenger services should run.

“As a result of this, we will not be running any services tomorrow until the storm has passed our region, and Network Rail has been able to assess any damage from the storm and confirm that lines are clear of debris.

“It is therefore highly unlikely that we will run any services before at least 9am tomorrow morning and even when we are cleared to run, the first services will be very disjointed given the difficulties in getting trains and their crew to the right locations.

“Along with Network Rail, we have worked hard to make contingency plans, but in the interests of safety, this difficult decision has been made.

“We will therefore focus our efforts on providing a service as soon as we can tomorrow morning, but we anticipate that this will be a difficult and disruptive start to the week for our passengers.”

Visit http://www.southernrailway.com for updates, or call National Rail Enquiries on 08457 48 49 50.

Stay safe please xxxxx

Why I love you more than chocolate.

imageChocolate is smooth but your smoother.
Chocolate is tasty but boy your were tastier
Hmmm well now I’m stuck on why I love chocolate but why I love Ross the list is endless
Your perfect, delicious, handsome, charming, warm-hearted, puzzling, inspiring, enchanting, intelligent, honest, knowledgeable, heavenly, cheerful, good-natured, loving, affectionate, compassionate, jolly, sympathetic, considerate, kindhearted, smart, devoted, adoring,Tender, passionate, stubborn, quick-witted, insightful, delightful, attractive, captivating, seductive, loveable, gorgeous, funny, happy, and so so much more.
I could sit here for hours on end.
Ross your one in a million.
I love you more than chocolate, more than any sun ray that has ever reached earth, more than all the water in the sea, more than all the air that I’ve ever breathed in, more than life itself.
Just more than ……………..

Individual

imageI don’t know if this is true for other people, but it seems to me that a large bulk of what society tries to teach us is that ultimately, you have to worry about one person, yourself. You’ve got to look out for the one who actually matters, right?
I think this is true, but in a different context. I believe that most people view this in a context that says,
“You don’t have to care about other people. If you are in a position to gain, don’t worry about what happens to the other guy.”
To be more clear, it’s as though we are supposed to view ourselves as an individual fish in the sea, and no matter what, you should aim for the top. But watch out, because once you beat the sea, you’ve got to worry about the ocean. You’ve got to look the best, have the best, and be the best. But in viewing life like this, how many people actually feel the best? Don’t we even look down on feeling bad or depressed because we associate it with weakness? Isn’t that why we hide our tears, forget our pasts, and keep our demons to ourselves instead of doing the practical thing by asking for help?

If you follow the norm and do what everybody else does, life can be very stressful.
The TV and media shoot us with constant advertisements in their attempt to have us buy their products.
New clothes, New phone, better shoes, better body, better clothes for your better body. That sort of thing. We start hearing these things from the moment we get a TV (or through some other medium), which is usually a pretty young age for most people, and unless you have parents to guide you otherwise, kids actually start to believe that what they have materialistically defines their self worth.
I remember seeing a commercial about a drink that had a guy walking around his neighborhood looking cool and hip, being showered by women and a bunch of other yadda yadda. At the end, the man practically said, “If you drink this, you can be like me!” As though it would bring him happiness. Sure, it does bring satisfaction and pleasure, but that quickly runs dry. Once it does, you have to find another stimulant to bring back the good feeling. Don’t we all do that?
Like when you play a video game and get that game high, or when you have a crush and you get that crush high, or the various other highs people fill themselves with. Food, friends, dates, TV, porn, whatever they use to gain that short stimulation.
We are a stimulated society, one that is drowning short term pleasure and gain.

Though it may simply be my own personal opinion, I must say that we are not simply fish swimming in the sea. Yes, we are individuals, but we are also siblings. We are sons, daughters, brothers, mothers, fathers, uncles, etc. Whether we like it or not, what we do affect far more than just ourselves.
Every action, every word, every thought, makes an impact on the people around us.
We are always racing to be on the top of the social hierarchy when what we really need and want are each other’s love. When you get into a position to help someone, go ahead and do it, for you never know when you may be in the same position of need. Instead of constantly trying to attain more materialistic objects to make yourself look good in front of other people, just stop giving a damn about what others think.
It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of you so long as you know who you are and what kind of person you strive to become (but you have to actually work on becoming it). We all have our own faults and weaknesses, regrets and shame. It does nothing but waste time by hiding them in ourselves and trying to forget about it. If something happened, acknowledged it.
If you feel that a situation is too difficult for you to handle, get help, because there are people who are willing help.

The majority of whats on the media is just a bunch of bull that they try to shove down your throat and say,
“This is what matters”.
Most news stations and other places of critical opinion attempt to have you buy into their beliefs so that you can spread it to others. I think it would be doing yourself a favor by simply forming your own opinion. Your own thoughts. To sit down and take the time to sincerely ask yourself,
“What do I believe?”
This goes for friends to, they are all to fast in telling you how you should live or feel. But as I always say, stay true to your heart.

Please know …..

imageNot a crush, nor habit, nor lust.
The love of my present and past,
The love that shall never go out.
There’s no other power so strong,
No emotion,
Life without you is just all wrong,
You are my first love and my last.
By a fleeting touch of your hand
You light up my skin and my heart
And I know that you are the man with whom I just can’t bare to part.
I feel love and passion so deep, it breaks my heart to be apart.
When I first met you I felt like I had known you forever, telling you my secrets and you listened to me, and over a period of time, I got to know the real you.
A guy so caring and gentle, with a heart so true.
I told you I’d never leave because of the feelings I have inside, I still mean those words.
I love the way we were together,
you can always make me smile in a split second.
Meeting you has changed my life
and I really love you.
Please know I love you.