Questions, so many questions.

imageThe way life is at the moment, it’s made me question a lot of things, one question runs through my mind more than the rest. Secondly though the question of “Is there really a heaven?”
If there is then, why are my lost loved ones, my family and friends, letting fate run darkness around me. Why are they not looking out for me, why do they let darkness fall upon me in every path I walk?
If there is a god and a heaven, if they are really up there waiting for me to join them, then why are they letting me live through the darkest, saddest time I have ever encountered, why would they just watch as my life, my soul, my heart crumbles around me as a rate that I can’t told on and fight my way to stay on to solid ground.
I’m falling at a speed that I can not control, no matter how had I try.
Why would the people that were meant to be my nearest and dearest, let my life turn out this way?
Do I not deserve to be happy?
I feel myself getting angry at them for letting me walk this path along, for not giving me a sign that they are there, trying to help.
And as I plead with them as I try to sleep to just show me that they are there and on my side, I question heaven more than ever.