What a day

imageToday has been hard, Marly-Kate and I woke with stinking colds and really nasty chests. High temps, feeling more than like death warmed up. We haven’t moved far from the sofa, phone near by for that all important call, which came as promised.

Was a massive kick in the teeth and emotions got the better of me but I’m trying to keep my positive thoughts and trying hard to stay on top.

But today, has been hard, it brought back memories I don’t want to visit until I have to.
I suck at shutting out my emotions more so today, I guess being sick and looking after a really poorly little girl, has got the better of me. On top of that I knew today would be one of tears.
But I know it’s a step forward to letting my baby boy rest.
I have to see it as a positive even though it will bring more heartache and pain, I will win this battle though.

Sitting doing nothing has made my mind roar, I’ve thought too much, I’ve judged myself, blaming myself for trusting people, loving to much and allowing myself to feel.

It not healthy to think the way I have been and I know I have to let in the light.
Positive thinking beats this any day.

What I’m trying to say, without beating around the bush.
Don’t look at the world and see all it’s flaws. Be the change you want to see in the world.

Let your soul and heart cry out to you and be a better person, freeing your mind of anger and letting the love, goodness in.

Have a good night guys.


Look at yourself.

imageYou can’t change other people, it’s their choice to either change or to not to. But I have always lived by the case of putting others first, before myself, in a round about way, living my life for others.
My dad said, my heart is worn to love and help if I can. He tells me even though this is a blessing, it’s also my down full.
I think he may be right.

I’ve been asking myself an question, “How do I truly live for the sake of others?”
‘honestly, most times when I’m helping someone out, I’m subconsciously thinking that they will think good of me and treat me well. Give me respect. Give me love.
But in the end it doesn’t work. You convince yourself that you’re living for the sake of others, but in the end its just for yourself, and when you don’t get that good treatment, that respect, that love, you get disheartened.

If you’re really Living for others, you are doing it solely for the purpose of the other to feel joy and to better their well being. You aren’t wanting anything in return.

Can any of us say, deep down we can do this?

So why do we want something in return? It’s not as though we didn’t actually want to help that person. We did.
But after the first initial thought, you wanted something more. You could say that my mind wanted to give, but my body wanted to receive.
Now, when I first realized that this was how I thought, my first reaction was shame.
It’s like when you do something horrible which you regret and you can’t think of anything else to do but beat yourself up about it.
But then, I remembered something.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less
I think it’s safe to say that, just as it is bad to be egoistic, it’s just as harmful to be self neglecting, or self loathing, and doing either isn’t helping anyone else around you.
There is a disunity within everyone, whether you call it Good Vs. Evil, Fallen Nature, or a Tension of opposites. It’s there, and its destroying the lives of individuals every single day.

So how do you become totally selfless?