As thinking human beings, we are constantly manufacturing our perceptions of the world — when we feel something, we question whether it’s right or wrong. But whatever we decide, we attempt to live our lives based on our newly developed belief.

What happens, however, when it seems like the entire world is contradicting what you think is right or wrong?

I’m told daily, to stop tormenting myself over Ross but on the other side, I have my closest telling me to battle on because they know he made me the happiest person alive.

So how do I keep fighting on when all the signs are there to close the door, back the beep off and cry forever.
What more can I do to show him how much I love him, but still I don’t even think he knows how deeply my feelings go, how much I love him, does he even know, I dealt he even does.

So I’m at war with myself, my family, my friends and Ross.
I hate that all I want to do is be with him even if that means just in friendship.

I miss his friendship so very much, I can’t express how much and if I’m honest instead of time healing it just gets worse,

I’ve never loved, cared, or missed anyone as much as I do him.
I’ve never cried so many tears as I have in the few months and I have never had to battle with myself as much as I do now for my head tells me to stop caring but my heart tells me otherwise.

But I’m staying true to my heart because I know that if I cant love him, be with him, then I would rather live a life alone and unhappy than kid myself and be unhappy with any one else.

For I know no matter what I will never love another so I will keep fighting to let him know I love him and hopefully one day he may just read these and know how much he means to me, that I love him like no other.