Don’t know what to say really apart from today has been a mix of ups and downs and now feeling really low, fighting the tears and if I’m honest I don’t know were to turn.
Feeling kinda alone and as is the norm, the one person I want to be here for me isn’t.
I guess he’s the reason I feel crap, or maybe the meds are in my blood now and I’m going to feel like crap from now on.
And for what? a life time of being alone and unloved by the guy I adore.

So anyway I heard from him today.
If only he knew how that touched me and how happy I was to hear from him, and even though it was short, it still meant more than he will ever know.
Now my heart aches and all I want to do is talk to him.
I wish I had the balls to just call him but I know he won’t answer. I know he won’t talk to me and that kills me.
I’m hurting so badly.
I just want us to be on talking terms and maybe work at being friends.
How can what was such a wonderful friendship and love turn to nothing over night?
How can feelings die so quickly ?
I don’t want to lose our friendship, I miss that more than anything and the silence hurts more than everything else.
I just want him back in my life.
I miss him so much
Ross, no matter what has happened, I thought and still believe we were stronger than that, that I meant something to you. That you loved me :,-(
You know I would do anything for you, you know how I feel about you. Your my life and I love you. I just want to have you in my life no matter how.
Your my best friend and I miss you x