Trust and minds

imageShe Has Secrets You’ll Never Know Or Understand,
She Appears So Strong On The Outside,
But On The Inside Her World Is spinning Upside Down.
Shes Smiling And Standing Tall 2 The Outta World,
Shes Crying And Breaking Down In Her Inner World.
She Appears So Happy 2 Her Mates,
But Alone, She Shares Her Tears With Her Pillow.
She Knows Not 2 Get Her Hopes Up,
As They Always Come Crashing Down.
Shes Heard It All Before & Felt It All.
Shes Experienced More Then Her Fair Share.
1 Touch, & She’ll Flinch
1 Harsh, Word & She’ll Cry
1 Bad Moment, & She’ll Break Down
She Trusts No1, Because The People She Has, Hurt Her & Leave Her 2 Pick Up The Pieces
She Believes No1, Because The People She Has, Lie & Betray Her.
So For Now She’ll Keep 2 Herself & Pretend Everything Is Fine, When Everything Is Wrong
I Know This Girl, Because This Girl…
Is Me.

I read this today and omg it hit a few home truths and got me thinking about trust.

Trust is so powerful it can break even the strongest relationships even when there are ways to prove that the trust hasn’t been broken.
It draws me to an even more powerful being, the MIND.

I am the first one to admit that my mind is always on the go, always thinking, god I wish it would shut up sometimes.
The truth of the matter is, what games our minds like to play on us, we take as the truth, as for some reason we all decide to trust in that, instead of looking deeper at the hard facts figures proof and heart.
It’s easier to just give into the thoughts, than to fight against them, even if it destroys many life’s around us, takes away happiness to ourself or others.

Have you ever had that awful dream of your partner cheating on you, it seems so real, that when you wake up, your already crying and the anger is building.
You know it’s a dream, but you mind is there whispering, hmmmm maybe it’s real?
Throughout the day you listen more to you mind and start to pull things into the picture that basically are crap, but your mind is set to find some truth behind the dream.
In doing so you push your partner away and get pissed off with them, when really there is no reason to.
You know deep down inside that if you only asked, you would get the truth.

So why is it, we let the power of thought take over and mess up our life’s?
Why is it we can’t just have faith in our hearts and believe in the people we care about.
Why is it, we let thoughts run away with us?

Ok in my case, I made mistakes in the beginning of my relationship, no I didn’t cheat, I would not do that, but I fucked up badly.
Trust was broken.
I was to blame, I admit that.
We worked through it but I guess trust never got full restored.
But this all happened before we met.
And I admit I was so in the wrong, but I did what I thought was the right thing to do at the time and I regret it every day. ( it was the worst mistake of my life and I couldn’t be more sorry)
Thing is though we came through that and we were strong, so very strong, but I’m guessing that left scars and set the mind alight, so I know I have no one to blame but myself for the lack of trust.
But I’m so sorry, I am so sorry.
Thing is now he knows me more than anyone, I opened up on all levels, the hours we use to talk, he knew me inside out.
I believe that if you love someone for who they are, mistakes can be forgotten and gotten over, it’s the person’s soul, spirit that matters.
We all fuck up, we all make mistakes, but that’s part of being human.
Trust can be rebuilt.
All I’m trying to say is sometimes it’s wise, to switch off the nagging brain and listen deeper to the heart.
No mountain isn’t to high to master as long as you have love for the journey.
The same goes for life.
We fall, we cry, but we get up and keep loving.
For what is life without heart, without love?