Is the grass really greener ?

imageEveryone is always talking about, there is more to life than this.
The problem is, we become restless. We can’t settle on what we already have or be satisfied with what we’ve got because we’ll always be wondering about the next big thing, if life could be better.

It’s called “the grass is always greener” syndrome.
Our thoughts run wild with us and we think everyone else is having a better time elsewhere. In doing so we make ourselves miserable by constantly thinking about the unknown in an endless quest to find happiness when if you look closer you could have already had it right under your nose.
I know I did.
And the saying “The World is your Oyster” has us all itching to see the world, because we all think those holidays are greener, so we puzzle over should we pack up our lives and see the world, settle somewhere else, but when roots are down will it still be the case of greener, or will the troubles of life just keep flooding you no matter where you are.
How long will the grass stay greener.
Is it not a case of better the devil you know, than the one you don’t.

Shouldn’t we counting our blessing and enjoying what we have around us and what we already know.
Is there not comfort in feeling safe?
Ok the view looks pretty over that fence but is it home? Is it felt in the heart?
Will it hold close the people you love, will it give you everything you need to be happy, give you the warm fuzzy feeling you get in moments you’re not stressing about bills, work and everyday crap that crashes down on most of us every day.
Isn’t it just running away, and how long will it be until your once again looking for the next fence and the greener land?

Shouldn’t we be looking at what we have already and thinking, omg my grass is the best in the street.
I have love to give, a roof over my head, friends who care and food on my table.

Does where it is really matter? It’s who is there living life with you that matters, it’s who you love that makes a place worth staying and makes it home.
I only know this through finding that feeling and seeing that where your heart is, is home.
Be it a cardboard box on a street corner, if I could be with the guy I love, it would be the greenest grass and the best dwelling there is to be seen.
For I know that as long as your with the person you love, there is no greener grass, because love is all you need to feel like a queen or a king.
You’re the richest person there is when you’re in love.
There are no more sitting on fences wondering if there is better out there because the heart knows you already have it all.

Why I do, what I do !

imageI want to try to explain why I spill my heart out to these blank pages of my wonderful site.
I want to try to explain why I make you videos and take pics for you.
Yes it’s for you.

I do what I do because I love you and it’s just a way for me to try to show you and I live in hope that you may once in a while pop on here and read it, or come across the videos on you tube.
I can only live in hope that one day you will see, listen or read.
I guess I will never know if you do.

So I’ve written you kinda poems, which I’ve then badly read out and put my voice on-line, I’ve posted photos of myself, and my life, and let my friends stick their phones in my face, all because I’m trying so hard to change many years of habit and although I hate photos of myself and feel uncomfortable in having photos taken, I’ve done it for you, because I know it drove you a little crazy that I didn’t.
I know it’s too late, but I want you to see I’m willing to open up to you, I guess in a small way it’s also a little to prove to you things, like the farm.
As for posting my voice in videos, now that was hard for me to do, but I wanted it to be personal, I wanted more than words , more than a photo I had taken for you, more than a sound track to the poem.
I wanted you to hear my voice and hopefully hear the meaning behind the words (poem)

As for your poem you wrote me, which I love, I had that made into a song for you as a gift to say thank you for being the perfect partner, for loving me how you did and although it came to late in the day, it still means those things and so much more now.
It means something so much deeper that I can’t put into words.
And when they asked if they could use it for their album all I wanted was call you and say how proud of you I am and how excited I was and I hoped to hear a little excitement from you to.
I want you to know I’m more than proud of your masterpiece and I love it, I truly do.

As for your song of the day, I don’t just post anything, with every song I put great thought into them and they all mean something, hopefully if you listen you will pick up the meaning as you know me more than I know myself most days and if not then the little write-up I do has clues to what those meanings are.

So I do these things because you are the most incredible guy and my heart belongs to you and I want you to know that I still love you and I want you to feel loved and special as you are special, more than, your incredible in my eyes.

As for my blog posts, they are more than blogs, they are my heart written on pages for hopefully you to read.
So you know how you have touched my life.
How you changed me and how much I miss you and most importantly how much I love you.
I’m writing my life down for the world to see, something I never thought I would do, as I’ve always been very private.
I will admit though I blog for me also, it’s a way of me coping, and not cutting which I’m kinda proud I haven’t done for a long long time and I thank you for that, I made a promise to you which I stand by and will do my up most not to let you down, I don’t want to break that promise to you.

So Ross, I hope that explains a little of why I do what I do.
But to put it short.
I do what I do, because I love you.

I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.

imageI have had the great honour of having a wonderful energy bought into my life and I wanted to thank her for being as special and wonderful as she is.
Friends are easy to come by but the true loving ones are hard to come by and when you find someone who you find to be an amazing, caring , a loving one, I think you are very lucky.
She has given me more hope, love and friendship than even my family and I class her as one of mine, she stands on higher ground than most of them.
I know I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her listening ear and her heart.
Her words have pulled me through the darkest days and I owe her my life in many ways.
What makes her even more special is she stood by our friendship when she could have shut me out when others did.
So I want to thank you for not giving up on me, for putting up with my tears and my broken heart and for being more than a friend and family.
You are one amazing person and I luv you loads.
I hope that our friendship never loses what it has and grows through out the years.
Thank you, thank you so much for being you and being there.