“Night Ross I love you x”
Sleep peacefully darlin.
Mum and her best friend met me in Brighton today, to do a little Christmas shopping, even though Christmas is the last thing on my mind and right now my view on it is, it can just jog on. I don’t want anything to do with it, and if I hear one more Christmas song I think I may just scream.
Strange because I have always got excited about Christmas, until the last few years anyway.
Any way this isn’t about the joys or not so many joys of Christmas, it’s about a nice day out with my mum and good company, a good friend of ours met us for a few hours which was nice, he always seems to get the saddest faces around him smiling and my mum seems to find him so funny she all most wets herself when with him. He constantly talks about boning her. You want to see mum blush, that’s the way to do it.
So mum hasn’t been to Brighton for a while and today she asks me to show her mineand Ross’s favourite places that we hung out in.
I didn’t really want to go there with her as I find it hard to say the least to even be back in Brighton, let alone go anywhere Ross and I went together, but I thought I should do what she has asked of me, no matter how hard I find it.
She is making an effort, one that has come too late, but she is trying, I guess I should see that as a good thing.
So we visit the lanes, the beach and cyberdog, and a few other places. Shock horror, she loved cyberdog, even brought a few bits.
Kept asking if Ross would like this or that.
Not sure if she was being over the top nice or seeing how far she could push me towards the edge.
We end up in a pub Ross and I spent a good few hours in. My favourite pub in Brighton.
I walk in and my heart sinks, tears fill my eyes and I felt like running out the door. For some reason it was harder to go in there than anywhere.
Water stones was hard enough, but the pub throw me for six.
I talk myself round and we have a drink, shame I couldn’t buy a bottle of rum and drink myself into not remembering anything.
So we are sat down and mum asks me to get out my phone and video her.
No idea what she is on about or why, I do.
So I start recording and she starts to talk, it’s a message, a short but sweet message to Ross. (Did about 5 takes)
No idea where that came from, but I’m shocked, and feel kinda touched that she did that.
Thought it was sweet of her.
So where did this new-found interest come from?
Why couldn’t she of done things like this when we were together?
Got to say though, I’m touched she is trying, even though it’s to late.
So I wave them goodbye and I head home.
Feeling shattered, not just in body but emotionally, how could one day out be so hard work, how can it make me feel even more lost than I already do and now I’m left alone with my thoughts, and as always he is my one and only thought.
I did have a nice day though, and Brett you got into one of my posts, that should shut you up, lol.