Looking back.

imageSo we are a good few days into 2014 and all I can say is not much different from 2013. As they say same shit different year.
In all honesty hasn’t been that bad of a year so far. Had a funny old day yesterday, lots of giggles were had.

So what have I learnt from the year 2013.
Well it’s rather a lot.

I have learnt the true meaning of love friendship and trust.
I have to say that 2013 was somehow the best and worst year of my life.
How can that be?

The beginning was amazing, beyond words.
I was happier than I have ever been and maybe ever will be.
The end though was the most distressing, heart breaking, soul crushing, traumatic time I have ever lived through.
On a positive note though I learnt never to give my heart and soul to anyone.
To put someone first before anyone else.
Yes at the time I was doing the right thing and if I could turn back time and do it all again I would because the feelings/love was/is so strong that I couldn’t stop myself if I tried.
But I know now that giving your life to another only destroys you and love hurts in so many different ways.
My advice to you all is the only love you need is the love for yourself, without that, how do you ever come close to another loving you.

I have learnt that when someone tells you they love you, that, that may not really be the case ( my next blog will run deeper into this and you may see why 2013 broke me, the truth of my situation will under covered )

I have also learnt that friendship either from friends, loved ones or family is a funny old game, are they really there for you, do they really care, or are they just being nosie?
Once again I will uncover more of this in my next blog.

As for family.
I’ve learnt that family is not all it seems to be.
Are these people not meant to be there, help you and love you?
Are they not meant to stand by you and support you, not break your trust, love and life.
Please don’t get me wrong, parts of family have been fantastic over the last month or so but others, well I learnt a lot about you all and I hope that karma will find you, as they say what goes around comes around.
I know for one lady that 2014 will be the year, that karma will kick your ass and you will feel maybe if your heart allows it to feel at all, just a pinch of the pain you have caused me, my daughter and others I can not name.
And as I sit here and kick myself for feeling sorry for you because no matter what you are family and I personally do not want to bring pain upon you or your life, but justice has to be served (I’m sorry.)

2013 also brought me a new job, new skills.
Training in these was a joy, it kept my mind busy and I passed with flying colours, not sure how but I did.
I can’t say it’s my calling or I enjoy it that much, but it keeps my mind busy, for now that is a blessing.

Until later, I will leave you with this ……

You will never truly understand something until it actually happens to you.
This is my life, my feelings, my heart, I don’t except you to understand my love or soul but if my journey, my life can help you in someway, I guess my pain, love and heartbreak has some meaning.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.