Let me tell you my story, one of heart ache, death not just in body but also in the soul.
2013 I believed was my year, I was madly in love and loved back. The greatest feeling in the world. Nothing will ever match those moments, those feelings and those memories.
2013 started with a bang, in the arms of the man I adored, love, and worshiped the ground he walked on. Nothing in my eyes could match those first few minutes of the year 2013.
Still when I look back, I can feel those amazing feelings and memories.
2013 carried on like this for a good few months, waking up nearly everyday with my one true love, his face being the first and last I saw.
Dreams had finally come true, I was the happiest girl alive.
Life was more than I had ever hoped for, I had found my knight and he wasn’t in shining arma, he came in the form of the greatest treasure unknown to man.
If you have ever been in love, I mean really in love you will know what I mean.
Throughout those months, I tried to get my daughter home to the Uk, her health was a big issue and I was told every week, she was not fit to return. Coming from doctors and my aunt who was a nurse, of course I took their word for it, little did I know they were lying through their teeth, they just wanted to keep my daughter there. I was staying with my aunt until she was fit to travel. I have to admit, that my aunt, helped me, in the last few years, and wasnt always, so cold-hearted, I guess her desire to have a child took away all reason.
I can understand this to a level but it doesn’t mean it is right. Their love for my daughter came to destroy my life, my heart and she lost us all.
Due to their dark plans and lying about my C-section which he now admits he never booked – hence the court case, I couldn’t start the life, we had planned, I was spending most of my time in the Uk, because my baby boy was due and we wanted to be together, sadly things didn’t work out this way and I gave birth to my sleeping angel in my aunts home. Zack was born still-born. To find out more about this, please read my other website.
From this moment, my life crashed around me, my dreams died, my heart shattered into a million pieces, which I know will never mend.
I can not go into much detail here as a court case against the doctor at hand, and I don’t want to mess up any outcome of the case but airing my feelings, of hate, anger and sorrow here. I don’t trust them not to use anything against me.
One day in my life changed me, and my life, happiness and heart forever.
Between three people I had my heart ripped from me, and smashed.
The one thing they don’t know is, that a love so deep can carry on no matter how badly one has been hurt.
If I open up here and speck the truth about how I feel, I do not say this to hurt anyone, I do not write in anger, because anger is a pointless emotion, that can destroy you as love can also.
I write this as a question that goes over and over in my mind.
How can someone say they love you and judge you on levels, that only hate can understand.
And the biggest question is……
How can I still love someone who, has judged me, hurt me, and broke my heart more than anyone has ever done. And for what reason?
If only he could listen and turn up at court and he will see how very wrong he is.
Love shouldn’t be about thinking the worst of someone, not trusting them, it should be about knowing that person, from the hours, minutes and seconds you spend with them.
It shouldn’t be about listening to other people’s points of view,and letting your mind work over time and believing those ideas, over your heart, the answers are in my hands, which I hold out and ask you to see the truth and then sit back and realise how wrong you all got it.
Until, you allow yourself to see the truth, you will always have in the back of your mind, the question of
“Was I right or was I wrong?”
One of the hardest things about all this, is the fact that someone I thought the world of, that was meant to love me, changed over night and let his own mind games, destroy the most beautiful relationship, built not just on friendship but Love.
I know the mind is very powerful and it sometimes hard to look past the thoughts that run rings around you. But to me, if you know someone and love them like you say you do or did, then you know that deep down that you can work through the thoughts, talking through things is the answer, not going of on one, on a whim.
Anyway that is enough on that matter, what is done is done, and the truth will be shown.
And I know I can hold my head up high, because I was telling the truth and nothing but the truth.
I alone will win the court case and justice will be served, all the while, really what good will it do. It will just hurt me and others and I don’t want that, there has been more than enough pain.
It wont bring Zack back, it wont mend my heart.