Why sex shouldn’t be used as a tool.

imageI popped onto Facebook (don’t judge me 😉 ) last night and came across this post.
It got me thinking, I may have posted about something along these lines before but it kinda rattled me. Maybe my sad mood yesterday helped towards this but I thought I would blog about it all the same.
Below is the article ……..

How to save a dead marriage can be a difficult thing and while not always the most important thing, the issue of sex makes a major impact on your marital health as many studies have concluded even bad marriages often stave off divorce if the sex is good. Good sex can also lead to better communication and feelings of love not just through the act of lovemaking but even on a biological and chemical level so this is not something to be seen as crude or simplistic.
Many people may feel that because of all the other problems in a marriage that sex is something to be put off and resentment and lack of commonality can lead to unsatisfying or lack of sexual pleasure. Then again other may be in a marriage that is happy and healthy otherwise but dead in the bedroom which may make you and your spouse more like roommates and friends even if there are children involved.

Whatever your case, if you are looking to revive a dead marriage then sexuality must not be ignored and relegated to a secondary issue. Entire books have been written on the subject of how to save a dead marriage through better sex but here I will list a simple version:

Do not be selfish – If you are harboring some resentment for your spouse and think that cutting off sex will help then you are actually speeding things closer to divorce. Sex is for mutual benefit for both partners and may open up avenues of communication that might help other problems. Using sex as a weapon in a marriage is a way to destroy it
Understand your spouse – If your spouse is the one who seems to be uninterested in sex then you may need to find out what is really bothering them. The reasons are usually emotional and not physical so trying to understand their point of view is essential.
Appearance – While you might think this is shallow your appearance is an important part of a good marriage and good sex. Try to find some way to exercise that both of you can do at the same time if weight is a problem so you are both involved and make sure that when you are in the mood for love that you take care of things like shaving, washing, and general grooming because familiarity and casualness kills romance.
Be romantic – This is often overlooked and often because many who have tried to spice things up with a married ‘date’ often forget what the real purpose of it is. Many people try this tactic in a selfish way thinking if I do this then I will get that .. do not approach it with this attitude! Remember when you first met, what made you fall in love, return to that feeling and make it all about your partner and do not expect a return to the way things were immediately, but if you do it without want of return you will find reciprocation happening very quickly.
There is a lot more on how to save a dead marriage than just these things so if you want to find our more on how to stop your divorce and fix your marriage click below to find out more from experts in the field with years of experience.
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While I am a great believer of love and making love, I do not believe in one night stands or just having sex for any other reason but to show your partner you love them.
Making love is a very special gift that you give one another.
It should not be used unless meant.
Ok yes I had sex with my ex husband, but only because he made me. It was not out of choice or to feel close to him, mend bridges.
Where with my ex, it was all about showing him I loved him, us having a connection so intense even making love to him couldn’t show my true feelings.
It was about us connecting on a deeper level than just our hearts, minds and souls.
Our bodies became one and I can swear to you, it was out if this world, I have never felt that before.
I can not explain it but it was much deeper than sex or even making love.
It was incredibly special and mind-blowing if I’m honest, brought me to tears more than once.
Can’t believe I have just wrote that, it may not have been the sex, I don’t know but having that connection, that love from the person you love, nothing can match that.
It’s about the emotions that went with the making love.
I know I will never again have that, and if I’m honest I never want sex again because I know full well I will never have that connection with anyone else, because I won’t ever feel what I felt/feel.

So going back to the above, I disagree that sex can help save a marriage, all it does is give a false sense of security to your partner.
To me you should only have sex or make love to someone you are deeply in love with.

This is only my point of view, it could be wrong or right but I believe in true love and the hidden depths behind it, what it means to the soul.
Making love is apart of that, not a tool which should be played unless the feelings match the meaning.

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