When I

imageWhen I thought it couldn’t get any worse, wham I’m hit with a ton of bricks.
So I’m told I have to have surgery and have it removed.

It’s just one thing after another and right now it’s all too much.
With all the other crap that is going on and dealing with a broken heart, which I admit is more painful than any of the rest of the crap that keeps coming at me.
I guess Ross is lucky he got out when he did. He wouldn’t want the hassle of a sick girlfriend.
But you know what I want him there with me when they put me under and it’s him I want holding my hand when I wake up.
And the fact that I know he could have never loved me enough to stand by me through what ever we were thrown, hurts more than anything else in the world.
The fact he just doesn’t care.
That alone is the most painful, heart crashing thing to ever ever happen to me.
I thought if you loved someone that no matter what you can get through anything.

I’m really not as weak as I come across I’m handling every thing that is thrown at me. But he makes me weak. He’s the missing part that makes me smile laugh and love.
He’s what makes life worth fighting for.


Positive thinking

imageStarting the day with some positive thinking, let’s see if it gets me through the day on a happier note.
Here goes….
You don’t need a standing ovation or a bestseller or a promotion or a million bucks. You are enough right now. You have nothing to prove. Care less about who you are to others and more about who you are to yourself. You will have less heartaches and disappointments the minute you stop seeking from others the validation only YOU can give yourself.

Off to hospital soon, to see if treatment worked and if not see if I’m going under the knife.

Positive vibes needed.