Two posts in one day, I haven’t done that for a while.
Thought that while I have a smile on my face, I may as well write a kinda happy blog. ( don’t drop dead with shock)
Well today I battled against the medicated state and the pain and took a little trip to see one of the most loveliest people I have ever had the pleasure of having in my life.
Had a really nice day, the sun was shining, the best company I could ask for. I for once had a real smile on my face.
I’m so grateful for days like today and her company. It’s just sad leaving.
Anyway my little trip made me see, that no matter how I build the walls around me, keep out of anyone’s way that reminds me of anything to do with my past. I discovered that, I’m a totally idiot to even try, because who ever I care about, in friendship or love, no amount of walls, silence or running away, can ever take that away from me.
I still care about my friends, family and the one I love.
Closing the door on any of them won’t change that.
It only changes me into this person I see in the mirror who I just don’t know anymore.
Truth of the matter is.
The heart doesn’t stop, because you want it to or you feel it should.
The heart is yours, it beats your blood around your body, it’s your ruler.
Listen to it and see what is important.
No ones points of view, or head games matter.
Your heart does.
Since childhood, the interaction between human beings has struck me with curiosity.
How did they function?
What made some dynamic, while others static?
Why do so many sacrifice their health for wealth, only to spend it on maintaining their decaying life later on?
I boggled with these questions, believing that there must be an answer, even if it wasn’t logical.
In spite of my being like this, I never shared my inner most thoughts with others, those of which I kept to myself. Because of this, people’s general opinion of me was that of a wild child with a limitless source of energy, which was understandable.
But I was just a child who thought to much, cared to deeply and withdraw into myself as a way of protection against the world.
I guess I never grow out of this and I’m still building those walls, caring to much and not doing the best job in protecting my heart.
I’m still that child with not so my energy and the twinkle for life is hard to find.
But I do believe the my mind will never stop questioning the questions, I will never find the answers to.
I guess this is my journey, no matter how hard it is, it’s mine.