Test

imageThe true test in life does not occur when all is going well.
The true test takes place when we are faced with challenges.
Be strong to fight.
Be smart to accept and in the end you will be the only one who knows what life is all about.

Love is

imageLife is about trusting yourself and your feelings.
Not being afraid to take chances.
It’s about losing and finding special people and learning to value all the memories you have,good or bad.
Learning from the mistakes you make and accepting that certain people in your life will never learn to follow their heart only words of others.
Live and learn…
Everything is a Risk.
Love is a risk worth taking.

Risk

To laugh is to risk apprearing a fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To hope is to risk pain.
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing..!!

Never give up

imageToday I have to remind myself ……
There are going to be days when you wont have the energy to get out of bed.
There are going to be days when you are going to want to give up.
Give up on love, life or yourself.
The thing is you are not allowed to give up.
You were given a life and you are supposed to live it.
You will hit a few dumps along the way but you have to pick yourself up.
Life is unpredictable and things might not work out the way you want them.
But that’s no reason to give up.
You are here for a reason and someday when you are not expecting it you will discover your reason for being here.
And when that does happen your life will never be the same again.

Gratitude

imageGratitude is wonderfully intriguing. I recently watched a documentary explaining how it is one of a handful of things that manages to bring people joy in this world.
In this video, they did an experiment by having several participants give a name for whomever they were most grateful to in their lives, and then write down the reasons.
To the participant’s surprise, the next step was to actually call that person and tell them everything they’d just written. Interestingly enough, once they followed through, each participant was brought to joyous tears during their confessions. It’s funny when you think about the fact that most of us haven’t even thought of doing this, and yet we’re all looking for this type of substantial joy. Many say that happiness always finds a way to elude them, when in reality it’s usually the other way around.

I sure wish I could do this with two people.
Maybe I will someday one of them at least.
The other we I think he already knows and more than likely would have the phone slammed down on me but I would like to think that he may listen to what I have to say.
The other though I may not call but say it face to face to her.
She’s an incredibly strong lady with the biggest heart which I’m sure she battles with for reasons that she won’t say but I understand without hearing the words
Shame she has to feel like this, when if I’m honest she shouldn’t have to be.
Maybe she is right and things will change or maybe in the next life where I believe I will meet her again things will be the beautiful perfect picture they should have been in this lifetime.
Only time and death can answer that now.
But I’m sure she knows how I feel and so does Ross.
My battle is do I leave it and I know that one day I will have the power taken away from me that I can’t speak the words I wish or do I put myself at the knife’s blade knowing that I will be hurt more than ever in spec king the words I feel before it’s too late.
And I’m silenced until I’m reborn into my next life.
I can only hope it holds more happiness than this one has ever given me.
One perfect year of pure happiness somehow is worth the 30 years of numbness.
That one year was worth everything.
Because he was my everything, he was my life, my heart and soul.
He still is.

Dreams

imageBroken dreams are not the end of the road. They are the beginning of new dreams and a new direction in life.
You just need to be strong enough to take the first step.
Or maybe they are not broken, maybe you need to give yourself a good kick up the backside and go after what you believe in.
It is easy to give up and try to master a new dream.
But will you be truly happy with the outcome.
I know I wouldn’t.
I tell myself everyday to find a new dream.
But I can’t and won’t because I know deep inside how I feel and what I want
Call it stubbornness if you wish, I call it love.
Dreams are made to come true, you just have to hold on and fight for what you believe in.
Trust your heart ❤

When will he see…..

imageWhen will he see ?
When will he see how wrong he had me?
When will he see that I never lied to him?
When will he remember how he felt when his baby bean kicked him?
When will he remember how good is was ?
When will he remember how wonderful our life’s together could have been?
When will he see that no matter what has happened I will always love him?
When will he see that I’m the person he fall in love with?
Not the monster he has painted of me in his mind.
I have the answers and I have the death certificate that will show him that I never lied ?
When will he let the stubbornness I loved in him, slide and contact me and ask for the truth to be shown?
When will he ask to see the certificate?
When will he see he throw it all away over a thought in his mind that he let over take any other emotion including the love he had for me?
When will Ross see that he was wrong?
When will he see, that I still love him?
When will he see that I will always be his and I will always be waiting incase miracles happen and he wants the answers.
When will he see me for me.
When will he see ?

Be happy because…..

imageHappiness is not determined by what’s happening around you, but rather what’s happening inside you. Most people depend on others to gain happiness, but the truth is, it always comes from within!
To me this can only happen with the missing part if my soul and heart.
Don’t wait..Do not expect from other people to make you happy…
Be happy because you woke up and see the sun…
Be happy because you smell the air…
Be happy because you can enjoy your coffee.
Open your soul..Not your eyes.!!

life is a journey

imageWhat often screws us up the most in life is the picture in our head of how it’s supposed to be. And the reason so many of us give up is because we tend to look at how far we still have to go, instead of how far we have come. Remember, life is a journey, not a destination. This moment, like every moment, is a priceless gift and an opportunity. Be positive, smile, and make it count. Pretend today is going to be great. Do so, and it will be

My heart will never let me stop loving…..

imageThe one good thing I have at the moment in my life, is that sleep comes easy and that is all I seem to do
The good thing about that is I feel no pain until I wake up and it hits me with a ton of bricks that the person I love is not with be holding my hand, that he’s not there willing me to pull through, he’s not there, telling me that I look better today, in the hope that his words ease my troubled mind just a little.
He’s not there giving me a reason to fight.
And what’s worse is I know that he doesn’t even care.
How can you of meant to of loved someone and now that someone is nothing to you and I’m guessing that he’s wishing that I won’t pull through this.
And that thought alone is killing me, breaking me faster than the illness that slowly destroying my body.
So when the morphine takes hold and lets my mind and body rest, it’s heaven to say the least.
There is no pain.
There is no hurt and I get to see his face, I get to relive the moments I adore when he loved me, when he truly would have done anything for me.
The years we loved each other so deeply that we were all the mattered.
My heart will not allow me to forget this as Ross visits me in my dreams, and his kiss shows me everything I once knew and what I wish he could still see and believe.
Because no matter what cruel words he has said, no matter how bad his judgement, no matter how wrong his mind has got me, I can’t stop living him.
And it hurts more than my body closing down, it hurts more than the people I wish would care enough to ask how I am that don’t, it hurts more than the worst pain any of you can think of.
I’m dying the slow painful death of heartbreak, and I swear that he is the reason I’m ill, I swear that when the doctors said to me your dying of a broken heart, that it’s true.
He broke me, he hurt and he killing me but I will never stop loving him.
I will never ever stop loving Ross.