The one good thing I have at the moment in my life, is that sleep comes easy and that is all I seem to do
The good thing about that is I feel no pain until I wake up and it hits me with a ton of bricks that the person I love is not with be holding my hand, that he’s not there willing me to pull through, he’s not there, telling me that I look better today, in the hope that his words ease my troubled mind just a little.
He’s not there giving me a reason to fight.
And what’s worse is I know that he doesn’t even care.
How can you of meant to of loved someone and now that someone is nothing to you and I’m guessing that he’s wishing that I won’t pull through this.
And that thought alone is killing me, breaking me faster than the illness that slowly destroying my body.
So when the morphine takes hold and lets my mind and body rest, it’s heaven to say the least.
There is no pain.
There is no hurt and I get to see his face, I get to relive the moments I adore when he loved me, when he truly would have done anything for me.
The years we loved each other so deeply that we were all the mattered.
My heart will not allow me to forget this as Ross visits me in my dreams, and his kiss shows me everything I once knew and what I wish he could still see and believe.
Because no matter what cruel words he has said, no matter how bad his judgement, no matter how wrong his mind has got me, I can’t stop living him.
And it hurts more than my body closing down, it hurts more than the people I wish would care enough to ask how I am that don’t, it hurts more than the worst pain any of you can think of.
I’m dying the slow painful death of heartbreak, and I swear that he is the reason I’m ill, I swear that when the doctors said to me your dying of a broken heart, that it’s true.
He broke me, he hurt and he killing me but I will never stop loving him.
I will never ever stop loving Ross.