The coldness of the heart can destroy……..

imageI gave him my heart
I gave him my soul
I gave him my love
I gave him my everything
And he just throw it away like it meant nothing.
I gave up my dreams to make new ones with him.
I gave up my friends and family to be with him
I gave up my job for him
All in the name of love

True love
A love that never fades
A love that shines so brightly still to this day.
I still would give up all these things for him
What ever I have left of my heart and soul, I give to him.

And still I carry on loving the man who destroys me, broke me, who just throw me away, like he never once cared.

Hopes, dreams, memories and secrets

imageI’m sorry to say I haven’t been the best at posting lately, it’s not through not wanting to, it’s more like I don’t know what to write about without boring you about my broken heart.
Put that aside for the moment, the morphine I have to take everyday leaves me more than spaced out and I think of an idea and by the time I get around to writing it it’s gone from my mind and I stare at a blank page – lost.
My days are spent in a bubble of dreams of the past, they seem so real u can almost touch them, smell them and I certainly can feel the pain they bring, the happiness also.
My life has changed, I’m now just floating in a bubble of I don’t know what.
I’m lost totally lost.
Family and friends visit and I take breaks away at my dads but ask me what I did last week and I won’t remember, ask me how I feel, and my only answer is numb and alone.
I know full well I’m not alone, far from it.
Between Marly-Kate, hospital, family and friends when I’m awake I seem to be never by myself.
But something is missing, part of me is missing, and I know what and who that part is.
And I know that our dream of dying in each other arms is long gone and I face that alone. :,-(
At least when I’m in my morphine bubble I’m with him, I’m loved and happy, it’s only when the pain relieve wears off, I left with a pain no meds will ever help.
A pain greater than any other pain.
A broken, shattered beyond repair heart.

Anyway I have a blog in mind that will hopefully make you all smile, and my family will have something to look back on and hopefully tears of joy will overtake the sadness .
It may even give you all an insight to me and let out a few hopes, dreams, memories and secrets.
You may even learn something you never knew.

I hope to get this posted within the next few days.
So until then enjoy this beautiful weather and remember that

“The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.”

Have a good day guys
Take care
The ice maiden.

Can you ?

imageCan you really turn LOVE to HATE ?
Because that what I want to do.
I just want Ross out my heart and head.
He’s always there, making me sad, making me believe life is worth nothing without him.
He still makes me cry every god damn day.
I don’t want it, I don’t want to love him.
So how do I turn love to hate ?

We have no way……

imageIt’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up.
we will then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.
What is important in life is life, and not the result of life.
Live it
experience it
Don’t regret what life will bring you, just be brave to grab the chance that will come.

I try …..

imageFrom everyday that passes by, enough teardrop fills my eyes. I try but it isn’t the same without you.
I never thought I would never have to live life without your touch, your smile, your laugh, with out you.
I miss and love you.

Not much

imageI have to share this with you.
This artist (Dan) music is very special to me, I think I have said this before but Ross dedicated a couple of his songs to me.
I have been following Dans music ever since.
His lyrics seem to fit in with my life, touch my soul, and make me cry, which at times is a good thing.
It clears my soul and lets me give in to the emotions I feel, Dan’s music breaks down my walls just a little.
It gives me a breather from my fake smile.
Dans music and voice is powerful beyond words.