Hopes, dreams, memories and secrets

imageI’m sorry to say I haven’t been the best at posting lately, it’s not through not wanting to, it’s more like I don’t know what to write about without boring you about my broken heart.
Put that aside for the moment, the morphine I have to take everyday leaves me more than spaced out and I think of an idea and by the time I get around to writing it it’s gone from my mind and I stare at a blank page – lost.
My days are spent in a bubble of dreams of the past, they seem so real u can almost touch them, smell them and I certainly can feel the pain they bring, the happiness also.
My life has changed, I’m now just floating in a bubble of I don’t know what.
I’m lost totally lost.
Family and friends visit and I take breaks away at my dads but ask me what I did last week and I won’t remember, ask me how I feel, and my only answer is numb and alone.
I know full well I’m not alone, far from it.
Between Marly-Kate, hospital, family and friends when I’m awake I seem to be never by myself.
But something is missing, part of me is missing, and I know what and who that part is.
And I know that our dream of dying in each other arms is long gone and I face that alone. :,-(
At least when I’m in my morphine bubble I’m with him, I’m loved and happy, it’s only when the pain relieve wears off, I left with a pain no meds will ever help.
A pain greater than any other pain.
A broken, shattered beyond repair heart.

Anyway I have a blog in mind that will hopefully make you all smile, and my family will have something to look back on and hopefully tears of joy will overtake the sadness .
It may even give you all an insight to me and let out a few hopes, dreams, memories and secrets.
You may even learn something you never knew.

I hope to get this posted within the next few days.
So until then enjoy this beautiful weather and remember that

“The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.”

Have a good day guys
Take care
The ice maiden.

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