Back in hospital again for more painful infusions, and my poor mum is just at the other side of the hospital.

I’m feel sad and angry at the world right now and want to scream and shout.
Once again he’s nowhere to be seen and more than likely doesn’t believe how ill me and mum are. Prob thinks I’ve mad the whole thing up and Photoshop photos.
Kinda brings in home really, but still its him I want here with me.
God I really am weak, still loving and wanting him after all this time and after the judgement and twisted pictures he has made in his mind.
I’m so mad at him, for not believing in me and not just destroying us but destroying a friendship that grow with his mum.
I miss her.
Why why why am I still loving him.