Why I can’t give up…..

imageAs I sat in my own little bubble last night, I began to think of why I’m going to have surgery on Friday well if it goes ahead.

I thought about why I’m fighting this when I’m so unhappy without my soul mate in my life.
Why do I even want to fight for a life, that only brings misery and pain.
And it came to me out of the blue…….

If I give up on life,
It means I give up on love.
Which means,
I give up on Ross.

I can never give up on him because he is the reason that when a true smile crossed my lips, it’s him that gives me that small moment of delight.
If I give up, I won’t be able to see him in my dreams, I won’t feel his arms around me, I won’t smell his smell, which over powers me, the smell I smell everyday when I open my cupboard.( I can still smell him on pieces of clothing)

If I don’t fight, I won’t have the wonderful memories to look back on and I won’t remember how perfect we were together.
I won’t remember how magically it felt to hear him say he loved me.

So in a funny kind of way, Ross is still my hero, he’s the reason I can’t give up.
He’s the reason why I haven’t given up.
And if it means the only reason I have to make it through the day is to keep our memory alive, I have to fight for that.

I guess the saying
“True love conquers all”
I guess it’s true.
My love for him, grows everyday, and as I have no idea why it’s not fading, I’m grateful for love/his exlove because it gives me something to hold on to.
It’s not hope that I’m feeling, because I know there isn’t any, it’s simply just love.
True unbreakable LOVE

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