As the nerves begin to over whelm me, all I can think about are the moment that Ross and I spoke about marriage.
To tell the truth I never thought I would ever think about getting hitched again after a first marriage from hell.
But from the moment I started falling for him I knew he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Our wedding plans were a little crazy and funny but they were just perfect for us
Our family (the little that would have been invited) and friends would have dined on pizza.
It was just perfect, so perfect.

Right now I can’t get these memories, or visions out of my mind.
And all though it never happened the memories alone, bring a smile to my face and a tear to my eye.
We both so wanted it, we both dreamed of living out our days together and dying in each others arms.

How in love we were as we giggled about the plans and just how wonderfully fitting it would have been for us.

If only dreams came true.

And even though I can’t manage to write down all the details down here, as it’s way to painful and it’s so special to me, I don’t want to share this little piece of heaven on the net.
I will never forget the feeling of the very special moments we talked of joining our life’s together.

As for wedding vows I think we both would have liked to write our own but even though they never got said in form of our very own vows or the normal vows, they still stay in my mind and heart and even though we are not together the vows I still stand by and mean with all my heart.

To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part
I will always love you Ross Marks.

One thing he never knew was I written my own vows to him.
Right now I can’t face writing them for you to read, but I know that I have to before Friday, just incase the worst should happen.
I just have to find the strength to do so.
How do I do that when Ross is my strength, when Ross is my whole being, he’s the love in my heart and my world.
He’s my hero and my soul mate.
He’s everything to me.