Heart

imageOk, so mum gets a call from the hospital yesterday, she’s been called in for a MRI scan today. For those of you that don’t know she had a brain tumour removed.
There was no reason given for the scan but she went along this afternoon.
This morning while we were out she was very stressed and emotional, she’s worried that they may have fitted the wrong pacemaker, which she had fitted this year.
That op went wrong and it nearly cost her, her life.
They cut a main artery which filled her lungs with blood as well as her body, they also wired it wrong and every time it kicked in, which is every half a minute, she was being shocked.
Any way to cut that short, she was meant to have a MRI friendly pacemaker fitted.
This morning she was panicking that they may have fitted the wrong one.
Thankfully when she got to the hospital her paperwork states the right one was fitted but as the MRI staff were not told she has a pace maker, they could not do it without a cardiologist being present.
They have to turn her pacemaker off, while the MRI is done.

What worries me, is that if they turn it off, mums heart will not beat.
It’s keeping her alive.
We were told that the only reason she is alive is because while she slept, turning or moving in her sleep kept her from dying.
So what happens when she is in the MRI scanner ?
What happens when they turn it off ?
How can a cardiologist being present stop her from dying while she is in the scanner.
To me there can’t be any other dangerous risk than turning it off.
But if they scan with it on, the wires will fry, along with her heart.
It’s really scary.
What makes it worse, is the battery will run out in about 8 years and she is refusing to have a new one fitted, and I don’t blame her after what happened to her before.
That is so hard to live with, knowing that in the next 8 year I will lose my mum.

She has been through so much, she doesn’t deserve this.
Ok we had a good too many bad years, and we were never close until lately but no matter what we have been through in the past I love her and forgive her.
The thought of loosing her terrifies me.
I’ve lost most of the people I love, the most important ones, and the ones I have left I can’t face to lose.
With Marly-Kate having heart problems to, it’s all really scary, along with myself having a heart echo on Friday, to see if I have faults with my heart also as my blood doesn’t pump around my body as it should, they are worried I could have the same problems as mum, Jane and Marly-Kate.
Funny thing is they say I’ve had health problems for a good few years but as I didn’t take any notice of my own health, it caused a lot of problems that maybe could have been helped if only I had known.
I have to live with that guilt every second of every day.
How do I live with that ?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s