I stand in the middle of one of my dads large fields, a sky overcast full to bursting, I stared at it, waiting for its mighty waters to fall upon me, and fell to my knees in a sea of emotions.
I looked desperately for the sun in the clouds, where it was nowhere to be found. With three deep breaths, I fell back onto the grass and think…….
It’s a heartbreak isn’t it.
Wanting someone/something so desperately. Loving someone more than life itself.
The last few years so far, my gosh, the struggles and pain, the joy, the hope, the feeling of being home and complete, the devastation and heartbreak.
The smiles and the tears that I’ve gone through the last few years is entire other blog post, or novel, but goddamn these last few years, I think I learned the hard way one of the most important things I’ve ever learned.
After sleepless nights, tears, way too much chocolate and mounds of regret it’s going to take months to dig through what I have learnt, somethings I know I won’t soon forget.
Loving and Losing people… sucks.
The want to be blogger in me, would like to describe the emptiness, desperation and heartache that comes with losing someone, but words fail me.
All I can say really is… IT SUCKS truly.
Especially when you know there’s SO much more you could’ve done to change things.
So many more times you could’ve said and done things differently, stopped panicking, just invited them for a coffee and a chat (heart to heart).
The opportunities lost when you lose a person far exceed when you lose anything material. It kills you slowly inside, destroying a huge part of you.
I don’t think I’ve experienced a worst feeling to date, nothing or no one has cause me so much happiness, warmth, joy, LOVE, comfort, excitement, tenderness, hope, so much heartache, pain and longing, the hours upon hours of sadness & regret you feel having let that person slip right through your fingers.
Honestly, though for yourself, and the love of all that is good, when you love someone, let them know.
If you want, love or miss someone, tell them, as there is no worse feeling than this.
Love that you can not give is torture, its heavy chains around your neck, drawing every inch of air, life and soul out of you.