Yesterday I ran into a friend I haven’t seen in a while.
She asked me how I was and if I’m in a new relationship.
After I did my well rehearsed polite response, she gave me the immediate look of sadness and sympathy that I always get.
I’m well used to that look, I guess that’s what happens when the man you thought you were going to marry, breaks up with you, but after giving me “the look,” she told me that she knows I’ll find someone new and I will love him just as much, if not more.
Her words, were meant to make me feel better about being single, but I’m not, I’m in love, so in love, just because he doesn’t love me any more, it doesn’t mean I’m single or on the market, because I’m far from it., how can I be when my heart, soul and body belongs to Ross?
How can you look for another when your heart belongs to someone else.
To be honest, I hope she is wrong. I hope I never find someone I love as much as him.
I say that simply because the love I shared with him was raw, it was passionate, it was all-encompassing, it was emotional, it was everything.
He was the first thing I thought about in the morning and the last thing I thought about at night. It still is. 😦
I felt incomplete when I wasn’t around him, and when he was near it was like everything was right in the world again. He was my other half, and what I considered the best part of myself.
He made me shine, happy and emotional.
It was like our entire time together was a roller coaster of missing him, loving him, and needing him and wanting him.
I know I will never ever feel that way again for anyone else. ( I know it’s not possible)
With Ross, I didn’t want someone to be my other half, I wanted someone who makes me feel whole on my own, Ross did that.
I don’t want to miss someone so much it hurts.
I don’t want him to be my last thought when I go to bed at night because I want him to be beside me when I go to bed at night.
I don’t want him to be the best part of me, I want him to encourage me and push me to be the best self I can be on my own.
I want him to be my partner. I want the love back, the love that makes me smile and go to bed completely content with my life, not one that keeps me up at night.
I don’t want a man who treats me like a princess and the most precious thing in the world, because how can I be a princess when he is my king, my hero.
I know Ross, was the love of my life because I know I will never feel that kind of love again for anyone else.
He changed my life and it is something that I will cherish for the rest of forever.
I found that kind of love and I loved every minute of being in it.
Even when we were arguing and I didn’t like him very much, I never stopped loving him.
Since he left, the pain has been so incredibly painfully, soul-destroying.
That kind of pain and hurt mixed in with such passionate love is too much to handle.
It is too much for my heart to handle, I don’t understand how the world keeps turning?
But it does keep turning, so maybe one day the ache in my chest will stopped hurting and all the broken little pieces of my heart and soul will fit back together.
But it won’t be fixed because I have fallen for another, it will be fixed because, I’m all out of tears and the memories will heal me and fill the holes of pain.
Ross taught me more about love and life than he will never know and I thank and love him even more for that.
I’ve always said that, he will never find someone who loved him like I do, and that’s still true to this day.
No one can love him as much as I do.
It is a once in a lifetime kind of love.