A date.

Today’s date is always going to be hard.
It’s the birthday of the love of my life and one of the greatest friends I could have ever wished for.
And I will never get to spend it with either of them.
I’m sure he is spending it in the arms of someone else, that he’s happy and content and that breaks my heart more than he will ever know.
I just wish I could turn back the hands of time and that we could be waking up together on his special day.
And as for porter, I’m sure he’s having a great party in the sky with his dad.
What makes today worse is as I write this my mum is having her mri scan which is so so dangerous for her.
They have to turn her pacemaker off, or really low.
She could die when she’s having it done.
I’m scared to death, really scared
I can’t lose her not today of all days.
Right now I fallen so low that I don’t know how to lift my mood or to stop the tears.
I’m broken more than ever and all because I’m so in love with him
Everyday hurts but today kills.
I’m just going to have to remind myself it’s only a date.


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