No one should have to feel this.

imageFeeling very emotional but excited in a strange way.
My postman just delivered my order form from Ashes into glass.
For those of you that haven’t heard of them, they are a company that make memorial jewellery from your lost loved ones ashes, molten crystal glass and coloured crystals.
More info can be found at

Since losing our baby boy, I have known I have to do something with his ashes but I really wanted to do something with Zack’s daddy but that isn’t going to happen so I have to do this alone.

I’ve been thinking about ashes to glass for a while now, this way I can have my baby bean with me.
I just can’t face scattering his ashes alone and in a way I don’t want him out there in the big bad world alone.

I guess in my heart I also was hoping that one day maybe I wouldn’t have to do it all alone.
Ok I know my family and friends have said they would be with me, but it’s not right, I should be with Zack’s daddy. He should be part of it.
Sorry but I can’t let the feeling go, so I can’t lay him to rest, but I have to do something, I can’t just leave him in my bedroom, I can’t and won’t, its disrespectful.
So anyway I bit the bullet and made up my mind to go ahead and make an order with Ashes into glass.

So the order form arrived and I can’t find the strength to open it.
I will have to though, I can’t not.
This is so hard and heartbreaking, no one should ever have to face this, feel this.