Physical pain is so hard to put into words as is emotional pain, but I’m often asked how it feels to live with such a painful illness.

I have good days and bad days.
Days where I can cope with the pain emotionally, and days were it forces me to break down and I have no idea how I’ll get through it.

Bad days are never ever planned, they just happen, usually when you really don’t want them too.
They can last for days or weeks. It feels like most tired you have ever felt, then add in the fact that all your muscles ache and every time you move sharp pain hits all your joints and the ache grows worse throughout the day, totally consuming you.

On a bad day, even in bed you’re not comfortable, you try to sleep but your whole body is in intense pain which makes it near impossible to lie down. Watching tv and films, work for a little while but nothing can truly distract you from the aching pain you feel.

On a bad day, I can’t leave the house, my freedom is completely robbed.
I physically can’t find the strength and energy within myself to cook, clean or go outside.
It can be very disheartening and depressing to have such chronic pain all the time but life goes on.
I have to get myself out of bed, I have to look after myself and Marly, I have to try to carry on the best I can, I have to go to appointments, I have to try the best I can to live a normal life, which if I’m honest isn’t always possible.
But I try, I really do.
I try because I don’t want to let the people who care about me down.
Life goes on with or without you, it’s up to me to decide if I’m going to give in or fight the fight.
Right now I’m fighting, because there is a reason I was pulled back.
I need to discover what that reason was.