I can’t express the pain I feel to see my friends and family have tears rolling down their faces at the funeral yesterday.
It’s absolutely heartbreaking to see them in so much pain.
Life is very cruel.

I know that death is the one and only we know that life will bring but it’s the people who are left behind to face a life without them that my heart breaks for. I guess the only good thing is, that we get total closure.
We know they left this world loving their family friends and partners.
It leaves you broken but a different kind of broken.
It’s the finally curtain.

The last few years, death seems to have haunted my family and my friends.
In the last few weeks, we have lost 3 beautiful souls.
Death and sadness surrounds us and we know that’s not the end of it.
Death is hanging in the darkness waiting, waiting for others people I love.
I’m nowhere near ready to say good-bye to them.
Just the thought of their deaths, brings me to my knees with of river of tears.

Myself and my mum beat death last year but our fight with him is on going.

I myself am not scared to die, I admit I’m a little scared of how I will go but there is peace in knowing that I will see my boy, my sis, my wonderful friend and so many others again.
How can I be scared of that.
It’s who we leave behind that I’m scared for.

Anyway I just wanted to say that yesterdays service was beautiful, as beautiful as funerals can be.
I’m feeling very proud of my friend Brett, who came into his own light, with all the hard emotional work he carried out to give his beautiful auntie, the send if she deserved.
I’m not the only one who thinks that you did a fantastic job.
You had dignity and pride and you pulled off one of the most truthful services, I have ever been to.
Well done my friend.
And even though it hurt us all, to watch you carry her coffin with tears streaming down your face, we couldn’t be more proud of you than we are now.
You turned a corner for the clown to a compassionate man.
You shorn like you have never before.
I hope that gives you comfort in your loss.

And as we get ready to say our goodbyes to my wonderful friend Bec at her memorial next week and to my Grandad the week after, I know that they had great life’s.
Bec’s was way to short and Grandad’s was long and full.
They both have touched mine in their own ways and I thank them both for giving me a little of their hearts and time.
And I ask in a silent whisper to them to look after my love ones, especially one, who I desperately miss every day.
And please look out for my mum who has to find more strength than she has already.
I beg of you not to take her away, I love and need her.
It’s not her time, please give her the help she needs to fight.