The past few weeks, have been incredibly hard and I have had a lots of time to reflect on my life.
Not because I want to but hearing other life’s being summed up at funerals, it’s made me look long and hard at my own.
What would my family and friends say about me at my own funeral?
What would the highs be of my life?
Who would even come?
Who would be there as I closed by eyes and took my last breath?
Mine and Ross’s dream we to die in each other’s arms 😢
That isn’t going to happen so am i destined to die alone, unloved and unwanted?
It has made me think long and hard about where my life is heading.
Am I really that in love with him, that I’m willing to close the doors in love altogether or am I just to stubborn to move on.
Was/is he really the one?
How can you love someone who hates you?
And how can you love someone who has broken you as badly as he has?
Do I have any control over my heart and feelings?
Is it him that I really love or is it the feeling of being loved that I love.
After hours of trying to sleep but these thoughts playing on my mind, stopping me from falling peacefully asleep.
I gave come to conclusion and yes I do believe he is and always will be the one and only true love.
I can’t ever see my life with anyone else because my feeling run too deep.
When someone is your first thought, you last thought and they haunt your dreams, then their is a reason for that.
It’s not the feeling of love that makes me still love him even if it’s against my better judgement.
It’s the missing of his, eyes, laughter, smile, warmth, it is missing every single thing about him.
It’s the way he made me feel, not only when we were together but apart also.
It’s the way he lit up my world.
It’s the way he completed me.
Ok, ok, I miss him loving me, the way that felt isn’t even explainable.
No words have ever been created to sum that up.
But I can live without that feeling as I know no one will ever make me feel as he did.
What I can’t live without is seeing his eyes light up when he saw me, our body’s melting together as we held hands.
So yes he is the one but not only that, he is the missing part of my soul.
He is the world, the ocean, the sky, the stars, the sun and the universe all wrapped into one.
I believe I will love him to by dying day and beyond.