Betrayal is the worst possible thing someone can do to you.
It is the worst possible feeling in the world.
It can crash the uncrushable, it can hurt deeper than any other thing possible in life.
This weekend I discovered through a friend, that I had been betrayed by the person I care for the most in my life.
The person I love more than the air I breathe, more than life itself.
What makes it worse is I have been blamed over the last year or so, that I had betrayed him. (how wrong were the people who believed him and judged me the worse possible way with out getting the facts and proof.)
When I know I never did such a thing, I have everything I need to prove this, if I had only been given time to prove it.
But I guess he will never see/know the truth and he has to live with that for the rest of his life.
At least I have the freedom of knowing the truth and it won’t haunt me the way it will him, if he even cares enough to let it bother him.
From what I was shown this weekend, it has never kept him awake at night, and maybe just maybe he hasn’t shed a tear.
The betrayal I was shown this weekend confirms to me that he really never cared.
That to me is the biggest betrayal known to men.
He lied to me for nearly four years.
He looked me in the eye every day and lied point-blank to my face.
What makes it worse is I believed him, I let him into my heart, I let him breakdown my walls, I told him my deepest darkest secrets and I let him make me believe that our future was solid, that we would be together for ever.
I truly believed him.
The funny thing is, that I’m not angry at him, I think it’s sad that he would string me along for all that time while not given a thought to how he made me feel and what he was doing.
I’m hurt really hurt by what I was shown, to be truthful I’m devastated to say the least.
The news broke the remaining part of my heart. It truly now is beyond repair.
But I am most angry with myself for letting him in to my heart, for falling helplessly in love with him, for giving him the power to destroy me.
I hate myself for that, I will NEVER let anyone do that to me again EVER.
But you know what sucks big time, I still love him and I always will.