No more tomorrow’s

imageIf you want to live a happy, fulfilling life, tie yourself to meaningful goals, not just to people and things.
Never put off or give up on something that’s important to you… not because you still have tomorrow to start or try again, but because

“You may not have tomorrow at all.”

Life is shorter than it sometimes seems. Make today count.
Take just one small step a day. Approach the start of every day with one little goal and end the day with one little word.

You may not see it

imageOne of life’s greatest gifts is the fact that life is difficult.
You may not see it but we all have to believe in it.
Because in dealing with life’s difficulties, we build invaluable strength.
This strength enables us to successfully fulfill our deepest, most meaningful purposes. It is precisely because life is difficult that we are able to make it great.
It is because life is difficult that we are able to rise above the difficulties. We are able to make a difference and we are able to truly matter. When times are tough, you must be tougher.

Don’t pray for an easy life,
pray for the strength to endure a tough one that leads to greatness.
So start every morning ready to run farther than you did yesterday and fight harder than you ever have before.
It won’t be easy, but it will hopefully be worth it in the end.

The question WHY ???

imageI have been asked by a good few people “Why are you not blogging as much as you use to?” And “Why are your blogs not as personal as they use to be?”

Hmmmm I am not sure how to answer those questions.

Maybe it’s because I don’t want my family and friends to know how bad I feel most days, that I’m trying to protect them.

Maybe it’s that I don’t feel the need to get my feelings down on paper as much as I did.

Maybe it is that I don’t want people know how messed up I still am, not messed up but heartbroken.

Maybe I just don’t want to admit my own feelings to myself, let alone the world of the Internet.

Maybe it’s that I just don’t know what to write, that I’m not inspired at the moment, just a case of writers block.

Maybe it’s a case of never having enough time to even think, let alone write it down.

Maybe it’s because I’m sick of hurting so much walls have been built up again and this time I won’t let anyone but the only one knock it down again.

Totally overwhelmed

Last night I watched my adorable baby cousin take a step into adulthood.
From his, I don’t care what I look like, take me as you find me attitude, turned to this good-looking young man if front of our eyes.
I have never felt an overwhelming pride for him as he took his girlfriends hand, looked her in the eyes and told her how beautiful she looked.
It was such a joy to see them driven off in their prom car to the biggest event in their life’s so far.
They truly looked amazing, a beautiful picture of perfect.
Pride shone for us all as he took her hand and helped her from the car.
He wouldn’t leave her side as he shone with pride to have the girl he worships by his side.

I can’t believe my baby cous, who really doesn’t care about how he looks, was fussing over if he looked good enough for the girl he wants to make a future for.
That look in his eyes and hers of course as they were lost in their moment.
It mirrored a look I know that I/we use to have.
It’s like no one else is there with you, it’s just two beings so smitten with each other that no one else matters.
He’s come a long way from sitting in his bedroom playing pc games and kicking my ass on cs go.
I’m so very, very proud of him.
To top the night off I get a text from them later in the evening.

“We have been voted prom King and Queen.”

Right now I couldn’t be any more proud to have such a caring beautiful young man for my cousin.
My only regret is that his granddad couldn’t have been there to see how incredible his grandson has turned out.
I’m sure as sure, he was watching from the brightest star in the sky.

Not trading, not giving, not putting

imageOne of the most foundational sources of both success and happiness is simply being comfortable with who you really are.

Not trading your reality for a role.
Not giving up your freedom of thought.
Not putting on a mask.

So never let anyone’s ignorance, hate, drama or negativity stop you. If you desire to make a difference in the world, you must continue to be different from the world.
Don’t be scared to walk alone on your own path, and don’t be scared to like it.

Life is a continuous school

imageDon’t let fear of embarrassment stop you from trying something new. Sometimes we withhold ourselves from novelty because we’re afraid some people might call us silly or stupid. Shying away from trying something new stops your growth and your evolution. It stops you from acquiring new skills and knowledge.

Life is a continuous school.

Don’t miss out on opportunities to learn something enriching. If you think your new project might seem ridiculous to some people, turn those thoughts around in a funny or a disarming way, and go ahead and take the classes that interest you. And if people judge you for it, feel sorry for them, for simple minds are usually amused by simple things.

I have been trying a lot of new things over the last year and I have to say that even though I learn differently to others, and everything seems to take a little longer for me to master until I do it my way and then it just clicks.
Giving my mind something other than pain to think about has helped me more than I ever thought.
It’s has far from fixed me but has given me a little peace. To me that is a very good thing.

It makes my blood run cold

It’s beginning to really naff me off how narrow-minded people have become.
I have just been reading a thread about 24 hour childcare/nursery.
To me the idea of a 24 hour nursery is a good thing.
It would allow parents to work shifts and be able to know that their children are in a safe caring place.

On this thread people have dissed mothers for working when they have children, not only that but have gone off about parents not being at home while their child sleeps.

I’m sorry but not all parents can afford to stay at home and look after their children.
We all have to work and leave our children in child care at some point, be it with a family member, a friend, a preschool or nursery even school.
Really what is the difference between a friend, family or nursery, in all places that child is cared for, loved and given everything he or she needs, the plus of a nursery or child minder is they are trained and would have passed first aid.

Why is it ok to put your child in any of these places in the day but not at night?
Police, firefighters , ambulance man, Doctors, etc have to work shifts and they do so to put a roof over the heads of their loved ones.
They work the hours that no one wants to.
They work while their children sleep and are home when their children wake.
Why is it so different from being their when they come home from school, nursery etc.
I really don’t understand what the problem is.
Doesn’t every parent do their up most to give their children the best life they can, if that means working evening or night shifts then that’s what they have to do.
I’m sure as sure, they would do anything to stay at home and look after them selves but come on live in the real world, we work because we have to. We need to pay bills to keep a roof over our heads, to clothes the children and to feed them, petrol/diesel money to run them from clubs, to friends, to school etc etc.
As long as our children have clothes on their backs, food in their tummies, isn’t that what really counts!!!!

Of course the thread got on to benefits.
One man stating, if you don’t work you have no right to comment and if no benefits you have even less right.
This makes my blood run cold.

Benefits are not only for low life scum who trick the country out of taxpayers hard-earned money.
I know plenty of people who would do anything to work but they can’t because the jobs are not there, or they are not given the opportunity to prove their worth because they didn’t go to uni.
Not only that
Not every single person who claim are rat bags who say they can’t work but some how leave the house at the same time everyday and return at the same time everyday. We all know that they are playing the system and working.

It’s the honest people who get the flack and get abuse for not working. It makes me mad.

There are people out there that need help because no matter how hard they work, they can’t afford to pay the bills, clothes both the children and themselves and when it comes to tea time, they go without just so their children can eat.
Times are hard really hard, living day-to-day on a low-income to torture.
But somehow they hold their heads up high and do what ever hours sociable or not to get by, always putting their children first.
And still they get abuse for needing child care.
No matter what the working class can not win.
Any little help that the government decide to give eg housing benefit, working family tax credit etc makes life a little easier but then
BAM, you are then classed as a low life scum because you take the tax payers money.
It’s wrong so wrong.

What about the poor people who can’t work due to health, no fault of their own, just life’s cruel game.
I have met so many people due to my own illness, that really are not making ends meat because they can’t work due to their conditions.
I have met families who have worked every hour God sends to keep a roof over their heads, they have paid tax all their lives and now they are sick they stand to lose everything.
The help they get from the government just doesn’t touch the bills or the mortgage.
People are loosing their homes through no fault of their own, not only that, they get endless abuse for having to go on benefits.
It’s so wrong, it’s heart breaking.
And we are lucky, with have the NHS, we have free hospital care, and even though it is shocking at times, we are one of the luckiest country’s.
I dread to think about the amount of money I would have to pay each month if it wasn’t for the NHS.

We live in a very judgement, uncaring world.
We need to open our eyes and see how lucky we are.

We all need help now and again, there is no shame in that, no shame at all.

When all is said and done.

imageThis day a few years ago I met my one true love.
It was the first day I can say that I felt completely happy, content and whole for the first time ever.
I cannot sum up or even try to explain the feelings I felt that day, I can’t even begin to try and show you how this man changed my life, made me feel things I have never felt before.
He changed my world, my life and my heart.
He consumed me, the love for him was over powering and ran so deeply.
It was 100% true love.
Here is a post I wrote about the day we met, the day my healt melted and I fall in love over and over and over again.

But what really counts is
when all is said and done
A love like that can never die, the flame never burns out, the love runs deeper than any other feelings that consume my mind and different times and moods.
When all is said and done, I still love him just as much as I always have and even though I won’t admit it and try to blank it out, it’s there, it’s always there.
The love so strong that no other could match it.
I love him, I will always love him.

image

https://icemaidendiaries.net/2013/06/18/someday-when-the-pages-of-my-life-end-i-know-that-you-will-be-the-most-beautiful-chapters/

The last few years I have been writing my own person journal, not for myself but for Ross.
While I was away in Paris and a short while before that, I have written little snippets from each day of our journey together and apart.
This is my gift to him, so the many things he had missed he could see in full colour. From memories, feelings to photos of my life, Marly-Kate’s and mine and Ross’s time together.

At this present time I do not know if he will ever receive these gifts to him, if he even wants to see them. I thought I would share one day out of the most important book.

The 24 hours that we met.

This is very personal to my view of the hours that led up to meeting. My personal history of the most magnificent day in my life to date. The day my heart was well and truly stolen.

Saturday 3rd June 2012.

Today is the day, that I get to finally meet you, only hours to go and I guess I should be getting ready.
Before I do, I want to tell you about my day.
It’s been strange, pleasant and exciting.
Dad and I decided to take a drive to Bognor so I could get a feel for your home town before our big meeting tonight.
In the car we jump, I pod on, playing the play list I have made for our first date. Shaking with nerves, we took that long trip to Bognor. All I could think about was, I’m going to be so close to you and you don’t even know I’m there.
What happens if we bump into each other, I don’t want to meet like that, I have it all planned in my head. Links to give you clues as to where I will be, which I will post later on your wall.
I hope you can work out the clues and this all goes to plan.
My nerves built and built as we took that drive.
Once we arrived in Bognor, I couldn’t get out the car, totally terrified. Dad managed to get me out and what or who is the first thing I see, only Arion, omg my heart sinks, what if he has spotted me and calls you. Thankfully at this time I don’t believe he did.
Dad and I go to a pub on the sea front, he gets us coffee and I sit outside taking in my surroundings.
Panic sets in over and over again, at all the people around. I hope I won’t be this much of a wimp tonight, that I can get my anxiety under control.
Somehow dad manages to get me to walk along the beach with him, we sit and eat our picnic and watch the waves or lack of them. I take a few photos to remember this moment, not that I will ever forget.
We ate ice cream while heading towards the pier. Just think in a few hours I will be back there, meeting you.
Every fear runs through my head on our journey home. What if you don’t turn up, what if you do and you turn and run the other way ? What if you dislike me when you finally see me ?
What if I panic and can’t move off the spot, I don’t want you to see me have a panic attack.
So much could go wrong. There are too many what if’s running through my head.
But I’m not going to let them drill out the excitement, I’m so excited. Tonight I get to meet you. It’s a dream come true.
I best get my backside into gear and get ready.
Until tomorrow.

4th June 2012

Wow wow wow, oh my god, I’m so in love.
What an incredible evening.
Well we finally met and all I can say is ….. You blow my mind, you’ve made me the happiest girl alive.
The moment I saw you walking towards me I knew you were the one, I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Those eyes as they looked into mine, I have never seen such amazing eyes.
When our skin touched, it felt like we melted together. What is that all about, how does that even happen? But omg it felt so perfect.
The fear and anxiety left me as soon as you were standing in front of me and all I could feel was over powering love.
There are just no words to even begin to explain how you made my heart swell and made me float off into heaven 😉
All I know is I want that over and over.
I knew it before, but now there is no dealt at all that I have found my soul mate. You incredible babes. I’m so madly, passionately in love with you.
I can’t wait to be with you again.