Life is pretty damn busy, with all the hospital appointments that takes up most of my week, to running a home, to play time, bath time etc, etc with my beautiful daughter, working from home and trying my hardest to keep on top of this blog, to trying out new crafts and learning new skills well trying anyway 😜
On top of this I was crazy enough to buy a house a few months ago that is a dump to say the least.
I have taken on the biggest project I have ever undertaken, I sometimes think”what the hell have I done”
It’s a money pit but I hope it will be worth it.
I have so many ideas running around in my head, way to many to make sense of.
I want each room to be perfect, but not perfect as most would see fit, I mean I want it to be perfect for my life, my style but I want it more than anything to be part of me.
To sum up my life, my dreams, my goals, my hurt, my happiness, my loneliness (yes at times I feel trapped and cut off from the world, my own doing I know, a move so far away from friends and family was the right thing to do, so that I can try to find myself again but it is also painful at times, I miss certain friends and family, I miss the smell of the sea in the morning breeze, I miss the hustle and bustle of city life, I miss so much about Brighton but I know now that it will never be my home again, and in true honestly it never really felt like home after I found the real meaning of home)
Back to where I was…… I want this house to represent everything that makes us human. It’s a tall task I know, one I know I will probably not achieve. But it doesn’t really matter in the end, it’s just bricks and mortar. I know because I already feel it, that this house isn’t a home, not to me. But hopefully it will be for Marly, somewhere where she feels safe, loved, warm, and settled.
That the most important thing.
So this huge challenge I have set myself is kinda at a stand still, with no energy to paint or the lack of making those final choices, it’s going slow, my office/craft room is nearly done and I’m liking it so far (I think)
I guess the hardest task is, how do I make it perfect when I have felt/had perfect and nothing ever will be/feel that way again.
I guess for now all I can do it try.