Pleased as punch

imageFeeling pleased as punch today and a little excited.

A few of my friends and I were sat round chatting at the weekend and one of them brings up my broken heart and his point of view on the way I have been shutting the world out since that day my world stopped spinning.
I heard a few things I didn’t really want to hear but it made me open up a little and say a few home truths about myself and the worst day of my life and I tried so hard to explain why I will never let myself love again. One being that I am still and always will be totally a million, trillion percent in love with Ross.
Any how’s, Rich turned to me, looking rather sad as his eyes filled with tears’ ( I think for the first time, he understood me and the pain I have felt since that day) and he said “But you have so much love to give, I would give the world to be loved by anyone, the way you love him.”
Every one that was sat with us, agreed in one way or another that Rich was right and they would give anything to feel love like I have for Ross.

Well over the last few days, I have been thinking about how cold I have become, how I reject any amount of compassion, family love, friendship, I just won’t let anyone get close to me.
I just can’t, I can’t stand the thought of letting anyone get close.
My walls have gotten so high that I’m at a stage where I don’t want to feel even friendship.

I know that has to change, and that I have to somehow carry on living.
So today I bit the bullet and put myself forward for a volunteer job working with children who through no fault of their own, don’t have a loving, caring, compassionate home life.
The job will be working with foster children, either helping them come to terms with their new placements or sat in on meetings with their parents in hopes to send them back to a happier more loving home.

Within five minutes of them receiving my email, I get an answer and I have the go ahead.
I’m over the moon, seriously chuffed to bits.
And I guess I will be giving a piece of my love to every single person, be it a child or a parent.

So a huge thank you to my friends who made me see that even though I am broken, I still have room in my heart to help and care for others.
I know nothing will ever compare to giving the man you love your heart, your soul and every inch of your being but this feels good and maybe just maybe I can help to make a difference in this heartless world.
Here’s hoping anyway. 😃


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