Slam

When life seems bearable and you are getting on ok, SLAM you get bad news.
For some reason my family seem to be getting a lot of this for the last few years. It’s been one thing after another
And once again it seems to be hammering at our door.
Two years ago my lovely mum was rushed to hospital and had a pacemaker fitted which went horribly wrong causing her to fight for her life and 7 cardio arrests later she somehow pulled through.
It was awful, truly awfully. 😢
Mum was at one side of the hospital and I was at the other end having treatment to save my hands, feet and life. Fighting a fight that I wasn’t sure I wanted to win.
After mum was released we asked 100s of questions as to why she had to have the pacemaker etc, etc……No answers were given and still 2 years later no answers have been given only constant pain, lack of energy, headaches that can not be expressed how horrendous they are. On top of that a new tumour on her brain. What has she done to deserve this I will never know.
Anyway she received a letter saying that she had, had a heart attack at some point and the bottom of her heart has failed. It doesn’t work at all causing havoc with her pacemaker.
They want to do more surgery, either a stint or a heart by-pass.
Mum is refusing to have it done, as she swore that she would never go back under the knife again. And even though I fully understand her reasoning, because she has every right to be scared after the last op went horribly wrong, I know that if she doesn’t have this done she won’t be here much longer and I can’t live without her.
She is my best friend and my savour at times.
Ok, ok she hasn’t always been peaches and cream, far from it while she was with my step dad but she was a prisoner to him and he controlled her. Since she has been back with the love of her life my blood father she has come into her own and she is pretty incredible truly she is and it kills me to think that I will lose her.
So my heart, what’s left of it is torn, I don’t know how I can make everything ok but I do know that I will support her and be at her side every step of the way.
I just wish though that life’s plan would be kind.

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