No more goodbyes

img_4215There comes a time in life when the one certainty in life comes running at you at full speed, no matter how much you try to out run it, death has other plans and is snapping at your heels.
There is nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, no escape just the knowledge that it will all soon be over.
But you know what, death no matter how it’s chasing, no matter how scared it makes you feel, isn’t really death at all.
It may claim your body and soul, but the most beautiful thing is, it can never really take you.
We all live on, through others, through their thoughts, their tears, their memories, through their conversations, their dreams, their photo albums but most of all their hearts.
Death is kind of a beautiful thing.
It gives others the tool of appreciation.
Every memory, every moment, every feeling, enlightens you with the most precious gift.
Death isn’t the end!
It’s just the beginning of different roads walked on by others for you.
So when your scared to say, your “good byes”, your ” I love yous”, just remember it’s not good-bye at all, memories live on forever.

House to home

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Home Goals for 2017

Build fitted cupboards including desk in my baby cousins room bedroom. (Started yesterday)

Finish decorating his room

Build extra cupboard in Marly-Kate’s room.
Move radiator to different position.

Build fitted cupboards in my room.
Decorate.

Finish the half done garden.
Decking in front of craft room/office
Build a raised fish pond.
Raise flower boards to level of decking.
Make a small patio area at side of the house for those spring and summer morning coffees.
Finish the sleeper steps to the patio to be area.

Finally have our dinning room table made.

And if I have any time left
Build/make the chill out area in the old utility room with loads of storage.

I best get busy. 😝

That feeling

img_4206Do you ever get the feeling that your life is spinning way to fast, that control is not yours?
As we enter a new week, I flick through my calendar and every day has an appointment, a schedule, a day that is run by others. I have to be here, there and everywhere on other people’s orders.
I’m not ready to face a week full of scans, not just my own and waiting on results, I’m so not ready.
One of the scans I have to have this week really isn’t very nice. It’s not painful or indignant but it’s makes you feel like you have wet yourself, it really is the strangest sensation. I’m so not looking forward to that one but heyho it’s got to be done.

Life though, shouldn’t it been spent with the one you love, doing the things you want to, not spending you precious time being dictated to. I know, I know, it’s all for the greater good but still I just feel a tad feed up of not having time for me, not having the time I need to be with the people I want to be spending my precious time with, doing the things that I have a passion for.
Life really does send you on a rollercoaster of a ride, wonder if I can have a little bit more of a smoother track, less bumps and bruises along the way.
Would be good wouldn’t it.
But for now, I’ll just throw my hands in the air like I just don’t care. 😃

Check and check again

img_4199Fear
Do we all really know how it feels?
I thought I did but in truth I didn’t until I felt it for the first time.
The day my baby girl came crashing into this world.
When you child, your soul mate, your best friend, or your closest family are ill or waiting on scans, mri’s, ct scans or cancer results, that is fear at its deepest, darkest and strongest.
This week, fear of the unknown has hit me hard.
My baby cousin has been hit straight in the face by the big C word.
I’m terrified for me, all these different fears are flying at full speed around my mind and it won’t give up.
This is fear. Real distressing fear.
He’s only just 18 and he is going through hell of the worst degree and I have no way to help him, no way I can console him and no way I can give him the peace he needs.

I know how’s he’s feeling, I’ve been there, I’ve felt all the emotions he is going through but still I have no idea how to comfort him and that sucks royal eggs. 🍳
One thing that I do know is that the people who love him, are in as much pain as him and sometimes it’s even worse for them, that feeling of helplessness is crippling to the core.
Going of my own experiences, I was so “what ever happens, happens” and even though I was scared, it was a trillion times worse for my family and friends.
I knew the facts, the information of what was going on in my body, I knew the course of action the consultants wanted to take and I knew what I was facing.
In my family and friends minds they only knew what I chose to tell them, which was very little, I didn’t want to scare or upset them so I kept it all very close to my chest, all the time thinking I was protecting them which really I wasn’t.
I was making it so much worse for them. I just didn’t see it at the time.
Ok I was in a very low place at the time and I really didn’t care what my outcome was, I was one of the lucky ones and came out the other side.

All I can say now really is to check yourself and to continue to check.
Secondly if you do find that dreaded lump then tell someone and get to your doctor asap. It could save your life.
My baby cousin didn’t and now nearly 4 months on he is more than likely to lose his testicle and there is a massive risk that it has spread. 😢

Cancer of the testicle mostly affects 15 to 49 year olds, I didn’t know that, did you? So young, so very young. 😞
I also didn’t know that biopsies can not be done without surgical removal of the affected testicle.
So if there is the slightest doubt that it could be cancer your special little friend will have to be removed one way or the other.

I can only imagine what that does to a young lad emotionally and mentally.
I’m sure as many women feel when they have a breast removed that they feel as part of the womanhood has been taken away, I assume it must be the same for a guy.
That’s why it’s so very important to check yourself flagrantly. You all have a little play now and then, you can’t deny that so while you’re at it, check yourself out.
I can’t stress enough how important it is.
Fingers crossed that the scan and test results come back clear and we can all breathe again, for now though all we can do is try to stay positive and be as strong as we can be for him.
Fingers crossed for him please.

Flashback Friday

img_4198It’s Friday, whoop, whoop.
Time to get your grove on and set yourself free from the rat race we call the working week.
Well this week has been a mother of all weeks.
Hospital, doctors, physiotherapist, gut wrenching news about my baby cous, who I adore and see as one of my own, but also great news about him to, he got his first full-time dream job and I couldn’t be prouder of him. He’s come so far since his heart got broken and he’s fighting back at the world, my heart is so full of pride right now.
Mostly it’s been an extremely stressful, testing week and I will be glad when it’s over.

One good thing is the doctor I saw this week is my childhood doctor and he’s so flipping funny, my 10 minute appointment turned into just short of an hour, we just sat and chatted about life and how quickly it changed, I taught him a few things about my condition that he didn’t know, which did make us giggle. He taught me a few things also and was very calming when I asked him questions about my baby cous.
He really has to be the best doctor out there. I have no faith in doctors, but he is different, he’s one of the good guys.

So it’s Friday and that means it’s flashback time.
I know, I know I promised to do a certain post today, but if I’m truthful, it is just not the right time to go into my hopes, dreams, goals etc, etc but please bare with me, hopefully when Tuesday is out the way, my head can be else where and I can share with you what I plan to.
I’m going to stop waffling on and roll back the pages to January 19 2014, it’s short and sweet, but hits the nail on the head.

Broken dreams.

Trying so hard to have faith in this …….
Broken dreams are not the end of the road.
They are the beginning of new dreams and a new direction in life.
You just need to be strong enough to take the first step.

Goals

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My crafting goals for 2017.

 

Faith’s blanket – Aster. 👍🏻

Cassie – black and white Aster 👍🏻

Mint coffee Mandala cushion for my room 👍🏻

Sam’s blanket – Carousel Blanket. (Wip)

Marly-Kate’s blanket – Nuts about squares (wip) 👍🏻

Two Aster blankets which are orders.

Cable blanket (wip)

Finish mums two blankets – granny squares 👍🏻 and mandala madness.

Sophie loves Lillia Bjorn winter blanket – Scheepjes garnet, moon stone, Corundum Rudy, Crystal Quartz, Enstatite, Tourmaline and smokey quartz. (Wip)

Sophie Universe with a twist – Scheepjes crystal quartz.

Sunny Mandala cushion – mixed colours 👍🏻

Stardust Melodies cal Afghan – scheepjes softfun in Ecru – for Rich. 👍🏻

A day at the grand bazaar (black and white). 👍🏻

Atlanticus- greens and blues . 👍🏻

Labyinth Mandala Pillow- Scheepjes stonewashed in Black Onyx and Crystal Quartz.

4 cushions – Spanish Mandala (one side), Mint coffee Mandala extended (other side) – (wip)

Mandala number 5 wall hanging. For hoggers 👍🏻

Celtric cushions – for Rich 👍🏻

The only way

img_4166No matter how you live, someone will be disappointed, we really can’t make everyone happy, and why should we, it’s our life’s and we should just live it and be sure we aren’t the one that will be disappointed in the end.
Life is a journey that’s only traveled once, we really shouldn’t waste it as todays moments quickly become tomorrow’s memories. All we can really do is appreciate today for what it is and make our time count, to make it memorable. Don’t let your coulda’s and shoulda’s of yesterday determine your can’s and will’s of today.
Live your life so that you never have to regret the chances you never took, the love you never let in or the one you throw away and the gifts you never gave out.

Flashback Friday

img_4174That time has rolled around again, Flashback Friday.
I have missed a few, sorry about that but life has been crazy.
I did plan to use this weeks flashback to go over my most important moments, lessons etc that 2016 gave me, also to fill you in on my crazy life since I haven’t posted about that for a while and boy hasn’t it been full on, different, even a little strange and when I say strange I really mean it, this week especially.
I promise I will find the time to keep you in the loop this week or if not then it will definitely be my next weeks Flashback post.
Today though I have a perfect post to rewind to.
I remember ever moment of writing it, the laughs, the research and that special moment in time. Days like those were just so magical and meaningful to me, but without boring you too much, I think I will come back to that another time.
I learnt something this week that has made me realise I have to put all those very special memories, moments, emotions etc, etc down on paper. I really have to make the effort, even though it’s going deep within my soul, uncovering things I have pushed so far down I don’t have to think of them, life’s way to short for some and if I don’t tell my story of life, loss, grief and love, it will die with me, I can’t let that happen so I have to take on my biggest fear and let my past, my heart and my soul, be written so they never have to die.

Talking of fear, fear brings us back to this post.
It’s Friday the thirteenth and that scares the crap out of me, I don’t really know why but I’m going to take you back to a post I wrote all about it so here goes. I give you this weeks flashback.

“Fear is the enemy of logic.” Triskaidekaphobia

Triskaidekaphobia  is fear of the number 13.
Sadly I admit that the number 13, has been imbedded in the brain as unlucky, I do not know why or how I began to have this fear, but unfortunately it can play havoc with my life. I can not have the volume on my tv or I Pod on 13, for some reason also it can not be on an odd number. My  I Tunes, play counts can not be on 13 or and number with the number 3 as to me they all link to the number 13. Even writing the number over and over in this blog makes me feel uncomfortable.
I have been thinking about why I have this fear and how true it really is, that a number can be unlucky.
My dad, being a Spiritualist, sees the number 13 as lucky, and I have often questioned why for some it is lucky and others not.
I have spent this morning researching what the reasons are. Which has left my mind bubbling over so many different topics, and still I hold no answer to if 13 is unlucky or not.
There are so many reasons quoted over the internet, to try to explain why we fear the number 13, I have yet to come across any real hard facts and figures. It seems the main reason is to do with the bible.
* “There were 13 people at the Last Supper. It’s said that Judas Iscariot — the one who betrayed Jesus — was the 13th man to take his place at the table.”
(Mark 14: 17-21) “And it was in the evening that he came with the twelve. As as they were at the table eating, Jesus said ‘Truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me, one who is eating with me.’ They began to be sorrowful, and to say to him one after another ‘Is it I?’ He said to them, “It is one of the twelve, one who is dipping in the same dish with me. For the Son of man goes as it is written of him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of man is betrayed! It would have been better for that man if he had not been born.’ ”
One of the most popular theories is the arrest and killing of Knights Templar members ordered by the Pope on Friday 13 October, 1307. The French monarch King Phillip IV and Pope Clement V together set up an elaborate plan to completely destroy the Templars, sending out secret, sealed orders across Christendom to be opened and immediately acted upon at a set date. It is said that the date was believed to be Friday the 13th. On 13 October 1307, Philip IV ordered the arrest of the entire order of Knights Templar in France, and had their possessions confiscated. This act served as one of several origins of the superstition which regards Friday the 13th as an unlucky day.
Other reasons are……
* Traditionally, there used to be 13 steps leading up the gallows.
* Apollo 13 is the only unsuccessful moon mission
* There was a mass arrest and execution of the Knights Templar on Friday, October 13, 1307.
* A coven was made up of exactly 13 members.
* There’s an old superstition that says if you have 13 letters in your name, you’re bound to have the devil’s luck.
* In numerology, the number 12 is considered to be the representation of perfection and completion.
* Jesus was crucified Friday the 13th, it was possibly something like Friday, April 3, 33 A.D. (Where they got this from I really don’t know.)
* A year which contained 13 full moons instead of 12 posed problems for the monks who were in charge of the calendars. “This was considered a very unfortunate circumstance, especially by the monks who had charge of the calendar of thirteen months for that year, and it upset the regular arrangement of church festivals. For this reason thirteen came to be considered an unlucky number.
* Greek philosophers called 13 an ‘imperfect’ number.
* Friday was the common day for people to be hanged in the past.
* Hangmen were once paid thirteen pence halfpenny.
I could carry on all day listing reasons into the so-called facts of unlucky 13.
But to me right now I am more interested in what makes it lucky. Maybe these reasons will cause me to change a habit of a life time and I will no longer fear, what really is just a number.
The Number 13 is a lucky number for many reasons.
* In the Tarot, the number thirteen is represented in the Death card, which is symbolic of,Transition, Change, Inevitability.
* According to some mythologists, 13 is a “female number.” A woman has 13 menstrual cycles a year. 13 is the number of blood, fertility, and lunar potency.
* 13 was associated with everlasting life.
* The Wheel of the Year – the 13 lunar esbats.(full moons).
* Egyptians associated the number thirteen with immortality.
* There were twelve steps on the ladder to eternal life and knowledge; the thirteenth step meant going through death into everlasting life.
* Angel Number 13 is a message from your angels that some upheavals may take place in your life. This is happening for karmic reasons and will break new ground for you that will bring about new opportunities for you to grow spiritually. The angels ask that you adapt to changes gracefully. Angel Number 13 may be a ‘blessing in disguise.
I am still confused on what to believe, but right now I’m liking the lucky 13 ideas, shouldn’t we all be thinking of the positive and not the negative. Wouldn’t life be a little more simple if we all looked for the good, if we let fear slide away.
So here’s a fresh start for me, I’m going to try break a habit of a lifetime, I’m going to let the positive in and stamp out the fear and negative, I’m going to put my volume up to 13 😉 and research a fear of many ” The dreaded 666″
 

High, graceful, tormented, low

img_4165Endless worry and rumination are the enemies to living in the present moment.
The search for happiness is sometimes the main reason for unhappiness, so try your upmost to start living your life the way your heart craves, don’t wish it away by waiting for better days ahead.
Accept and appreciate things now, and you’ll find more happiness in every moment you live.
If you are feeling down right now, each second that passes is another moment to turn it all around. Feelings, good and bad, always come and go, but the trick is to be grateful when your mood is high and graceful also when it is tormented and low.
Listen to your heart, I strongly believe it will rarely lead you astray, so stop worrying about what you’re supposed to do and start doing what you know deep within your heart is right. ❤