Fear
Do we all really know how it feels?
I thought I did but in truth I didn’t until I felt it for the first time.
The day my baby girl came crashing into this world.
When you child, your soul mate, your best friend, or your closest family are ill or waiting on scans, mri’s, ct scans or cancer results, that is fear at its deepest, darkest and strongest.
This week, fear of the unknown has hit me hard.
My baby cousin has been hit straight in the face by the big C word.
I’m terrified for me, all these different fears are flying at full speed around my mind and it won’t give up.
This is fear. Real distressing fear.
He’s only just 18 and he is going through hell of the worst degree and I have no way to help him, no way I can console him and no way I can give him the peace he needs.

I know how’s he’s feeling, I’ve been there, I’ve felt all the emotions he is going through but still I have no idea how to comfort him and that sucks royal eggs. 🍳
One thing that I do know is that the people who love him, are in as much pain as him and sometimes it’s even worse for them, that feeling of helplessness is crippling to the core.
Going of my own experiences, I was so “what ever happens, happens” and even though I was scared, it was a trillion times worse for my family and friends.
I knew the facts, the information of what was going on in my body, I knew the course of action the consultants wanted to take and I knew what I was facing.
In my family and friends minds they only knew what I chose to tell them, which was very little, I didn’t want to scare or upset them so I kept it all very close to my chest, all the time thinking I was protecting them which really I wasn’t.
I was making it so much worse for them. I just didn’t see it at the time.
Ok I was in a very low place at the time and I really didn’t care what my outcome was, I was one of the lucky ones and came out the other side.

All I can say now really is to check yourself and to continue to check.
Secondly if you do find that dreaded lump then tell someone and get to your doctor asap. It could save your life.
My baby cousin didn’t and now nearly 4 months on he is more than likely to lose his testicle and there is a massive risk that it has spread. 😢

Cancer of the testicle mostly affects 15 to 49 year olds, I didn’t know that, did you? So young, so very young. 😞
I also didn’t know that biopsies can not be done without surgical removal of the affected testicle.
So if there is the slightest doubt that it could be cancer your special little friend will have to be removed one way or the other.

I can only imagine what that does to a young lad emotionally and mentally.
I’m sure as many women feel when they have a breast removed that they feel as part of the womanhood has been taken away, I assume it must be the same for a guy.
That’s why it’s so very important to check yourself flagrantly. You all have a little play now and then, you can’t deny that so while you’re at it, check yourself out.
I can’t stress enough how important it is.
Fingers crossed that the scan and test results come back clear and we can all breathe again, for now though all we can do is try to stay positive and be as strong as we can be for him.
Fingers crossed for him please.