Pinch, punch

img_4216Pinch, punch, first day of the month, no return. šŸ˜

White rabbit, white rabbit, white rabbit. šŸ°šŸ°šŸ°

Wow, where the hell did January go???
It’s the 1st of February and I feel like I’ve achieved, jack diddly squat.
Is it because I’m getting older that the months just seem to fly by and days blend into the other?

So January was a strange month, one of high hopes, goals, and positive energy, well that was the plan anyway and in truth I was doing ok, I’m happy and have a mind-set that I’m trying my up most to stick to, it the other elements that just want to rock the boat and make the sea stormy.

So I made a few lists, I kind of like lists at the moment, with brain fog most of the time, they really help me to remember what needs to be done, what I would like to get done and what I dream to get done, and I’ve already ticked one goal of my goals list and half way through another, also I’ve started one of the, house to home goals so maybe January really wasn’t as slack as I thought.
It was though full of numbers and data for the dreaded tax man šŸ¤‘, that’s the worst thing about January, tax returns and a whopping great big tax bill to pay. šŸ’°I really don’t like handing my hard-earned money to him, I worked bloody hard for it and twice a year he takes it away, never to be seen again. šŸ˜©
Lots of time has been spent at the hospital between myself, Marly-Kate and my baby cousin but that’s just part of our life’s now and kind of use to being poked, prodded and stabbed with needles. It’s funny how these things just become the norm.

Emotionally I’m not in a bad place, I get up and get on and keep myself as busy as I can so I don’t have to think, it’s really working for me, ok, ok, I have my moments, more so when a random song comes on, or I hear a name that I wasn’t expecting to hear but you know what, I pull myself up with every bit of strength I have in me and I get on, I just don’t allow myself to think or more importantly feel, which I know deep down isn’t the answer or the right way to deal or cope but it’s the best I can do.

Marly-Kate, now she is always a delight, a ray of sunshine and a true pillar of strength, she’s pretty damn amazing.
She’s doing great at school even though she hates it with a passion and we have tears every morning, which breaks my heart, I just don’t know how I can make it better for her and that has to be one of the hardest things to deal with, I just want to make everything better for her and see her beautiful smile, instead of tears and her fears.
She made her first horse jump at the weekend and I’m so flipping proud, well when I got over the fear of what my sister had made her do.
I know I can’t wrap her in cotton wool, I can’t let my own fears for her safety stop her from trying new things but it’s hard, it’s really hard.
I just want to keep her safe from harm but she has to live, she has to learn and she has to make the most important thing in life, memories.
Life is all about making memories.

Pretty much all is well in our little house, in the middle of nowhere.
Until next time, stay safe, stay strong, stay motivated and smile.
Toodaloo me old muckers.