When perfect goes wrong, those are the memories that last forever

Two posts in one day, it’s been a while since I have done that.
I know I often write about how memories are so important, that’s because they really are the most important thing in life.
Making them is easy, you don’t even know you are.
Every simple moment with the people you love, every smile, every laugh and every song, they all turn into the most beautiful power memories.
They are so very precious, so unbelievably precious because when they are all you have left of someone, they can fill you with so much joy, love, warmth, they become everything. Even though they are ours and ours alone, someone out their has written them with you, though they may not see them in the same light as yours, they still have their own version, their own memories.

All I have left are the memories of the most incredible time of my life, the time I was the happiest I’ve ever been, the time I felt while, complete and even though the memories break my heart, I’m so glad I have them. Because without them I would be totally lost in darkness, I would have lost my soul, I would have given up on life a long time ago.
They are in some ways my saving grace because with them I know I can still feel, I can still love when I tell myself I don’t/won’t. While I kid myself that I’m no longer broken, that I’m no longer in love, that I’m stepping along the right road to recovery, my memory has a funny way of telling me even screaming at me, that without a shadow of a doubt that my heart still belongs to him, that no matter how much I try to push those feelings deep within my core, he will always be my one and only love, the kind of love that never fades.but still I will keep pushing those feelings down deep and pretending they are not there, putting one foot in front of the other, staying as strong as I can, while trying my up most to build a different life for myself and Marley-Kate.
And even though it sucks that those memories, those feeling have a funny way of hurting me, somehow they bring me some kind of peace.
How can it be, that something so very powerful be a blessing and an omen?

Memories really are funny things.
I was sat here, trying to blank out my thoughts, trying to clear my mind of all its rambling and a song just appeared in my mind. (Song below)
That song took me back to my childhood, to Sunday mornings, to the smell of roast dinners and music blasting from the kitchen. To my mum singing to her heart’s content.
The feelings that came with that piece of music, with those lyrics took me back to yesteryear and I was once again a child, playing teddy tea parties with my sister in my bed room, music and singing filled the rooms, along with the warming smell of our Sunday lunch. Even though my childhood was far from perfect, I was glad to be there once again.
That’s why to me memories are everything.
Hold on tight to them.


Flashback Friday

What a Long, long week, Friday is so welcome.
So I’ve spent most of the week sat in a hospital bed wired up to infusion machines. I’m more than happy to be home.
I have to say a massive thank you to everyone that gave up their days and nights to look after Marly-Kate. She has had a blast and has been very spoilt. You are all so wonderful and I truly appreciate your help and love.

On Monday, mum, Her best friend and I decided to go on a little jolly to pick up paint, lavender plants and the price up the garden make over, by the time I got home, I was different shades of blues, purples, reds and black. Fever and cold sweats had taken hold and I knew that something was wrong but thought a cat nap would sort me out. Next thing I knew I woke up in hospital having iloprost infusions and that’s where I stayed until yesterday.
I can not tell you how glad I am to be home, there is nothing like sleeping in your own bed, starfishing. 😝
Something good came out of this long, long week, as I fall in love. ❤

I fall in love with music again.
Music has always been a massive part of my life, it’s helped me more than I can express. It lifts you, it helps you cry and so many lyrics have meanings to them, which has proven to much for me over the last few years.
It’s so hard listening to music when it just reminds you of what you once had, brings back the best of memories which gut punch you, even wiping every song from my pc, didn’t help until I was sat bored in that bed. YouTube once again became my friend and even though lyrics hit hard, and new meaning formed with the notes play, somehow it soothed my soul.
And this all came from one incredible artist, he truly has to be the best of the best and I’m so grateful that his pure talent, enlightened my soul.
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard his new album but with each listen it only became more outstanding and touched me deeper than music has for a long time now.
Thank you Ed Sheeran , you sir are pure genius.
If you haven’t listened to his new album “Divide”, you must do.
There is not much else I can say about my week apart from thank god it’s Friday.
And we all know what Fridays mean!
Flashback time
So without further ado I give you……

No place like home. 🏡


They say, “There is no place like home.”
I find myself wondering where is home?
Home is meant to be the building you lay down your foundations and settle, that you look forward to returning to after a long hard day at work, your safe place,
it’s really like your bed, warm, comfy and you never want to leave 😉
I can truly say that I have not, as long as I can remember, felt that I have found the sense of homeliness or felt that I could call that building home.
I have lived in a few places but can I call this home?
Just because I lived there, did they ever give me the feeling of being completely at home.
To me, home should be the one place in this world where hearts are sure of each other. It is the place of confidence. It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense, and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts. It is the spot where expressions of tenderness gush out without any sensation of awkwardness and without any dread of ridicule.
Home should be like a delicious piece of chocolate cake you order in a restaurant on a country road, the best piece of cake you have ever eaten in your life, and can never find again.
If this is how you should feel when you arrive home, then why do I get this feeling when I’m not at my home?
Is it the building that gives you this feeling?
I find this not to be true.
For I believe that a building can not give you these feelings, but the people inside the four walls, in which they call their home.
Home to me, is the love, it’s the people, it’s the comfort, tranquility, kindness, warmth, tenderness and understanding all rolled into one that makes home what it is.
After pondering over this for a while now, I have drawn my conclusion and that is,
“Home is where the heart is.”
It not a building, a place, it’s LOVE.
It’s coming back to your partner or family, it’s just simply those four little letters, that mean the most in the world.
It’s simple really.
Love is all you need to feel at home.