As many of you may know, Lupus and a few other autoimmune deficiency diseases have caused havoc with my life for a good few years now. (Sucks)
My doctors believe they reared their ugly heads due to heartbreak and grief, not that, that can be proved, but it’s the answer I get when I ask “Why?” (I wonder if I ever became totally happy, complete, like I was when I was with Ross, would I go in to remission?)

Without going into too much detail, all I can really say is life now is one big cocktail of drugs, the legal type.

I’m pretty useless at taking them, I’m guessing down to brain fog and life just being rather hectic. Boy don’t I know when I haven’t taken them, thank god for Fitbit alarms.

I’ve always been against putting any kind of medicine into my system, no idea why, I just have never liked doing so. Now though I have to, which rattles me, I really, really dislike the fact that I have to put this unknown crap into my body. Sadly it’s what I have to do, to try to live a normal life.

So I thought that I would share the pros and cons of the cocktail of drugs that has become the norm. If only that cocktail was the real deal 🍹 and I was happily slurping away of a deck chair by the pool, soaking up a good old dose of vitamin B.

So this is what I have to take daily, most are 3 times a day, or when I need a quick pain fix.

Morphine (tablet form) 50mg, two times a day.
Morphine Sulfate oral, 10mg taken every two hours.
Amitriptyline, 50mg at night.
Co-codamol, every four hours
Hydroxychloroquine
Naftidrofuryl
Paracetamol 1000mg every four hours
Sildenafil, three times a day.
Aspirin. One a day.
Bisacodyl taken when needed, five tablets a night.

The after effects are a bit**.
From weight loss to weight gain, banging headaches, constipation, dizziness etc, etc

I really don’t know if any of these medications help but I’m a little scared to find out if they don’t.

Sildenafil – I’m often asked about Sildenafil which in normal language is Viagra.
NO it doesn’t make me horny, NO it doesn’t make me want to have sex 24 7.
Considering I haven’t even kissed a guy since Ross, sex definitely hasn’t happened and I’m pretty damn fine with that. Yeah I’m a nun and that’s the way it’s staying.
Sildenafil gives me bad headaches as you know, it opens the blood vessels up. I’m sure any guy that has taken this will know that the headaches can be a bit** and even make you sick. Apart from headaches, I can’t really say anything negative about it.

Does it work?

Not sure, my hands, toes knees, nose and a few other areas still suffer daily attacks from Raynauds Phenomenon, it really hasn’t eased, if anything it’s really bad at the moment. The constant change of weather and the slightest temperature change really plays with my Raynauds and rheumatoid arthritis.

Naftidrofuryl scares me.
Every time I see my doctors/specialist, I’m asked about the side effects and how long I have been taking it.
For some unknown reason no one seems happy about the drug, all they keep saying is it’s dangerous, well take me off it then!!!

Amitriptyline, also isn’t the nicest, it’s great when you first start taking it, you sleep, I mean really sleep. But brain fog triples and it’s hard to hold a conversation, let alone trying to do anything constructive.

Morphine is a god send most of the time and about from the constipation it brings, I really don’t feel any effect from it anymore, I know it’s doing something but I no longer get the eye rolls and instant sleep it use to bring.
The come-downs are the worst thing. If I forget a dose, it’s the worst feeling and the hot sweats and pain are just nasty, it’s like I’m withdrawing and boy I know it.

Hydroxychloroquine, I can’t say I notice anything nasty about this medicine, I’ve been on it a long time now alongside the Viagra, so wouldn’t know how it makes me feel.

Co-codamol, I think most of us may have taken this at one time or another, the worst side effect is once again constipation, which added with the morphine can lead to a compacted bowel, now that is incredibly painful. 😖