When I wrote this weeks flashback, my memories that are imbedded in these pages.
I remember every moment of writing it, every emotion, every hope, every dream. I truly believed that life was beautiful, it had been far too long. That moment as I walked between the grasses and daisies, I was inflamed with hope, peace washed over me and I truly felt alive. Little did I know that, that moment was teasing me, toying with every emotion.
At least I had that afternoon, where it finally clicked that life goes on, though different and not how we had planned, the clock face still change as do the seasons, the sun and the stars.
I knew that life was never to be the same, how could it be, I have lost more than I could/can bare, I have lost the glue that made me whole, the completion that his love brought me.
How can one ever be the person they once were when half of your soul has vanished into thin air.
All that is left to do, is try to carry on the best one can with what is left of your, our memories.
Dance in the rain.
The world was a light with beauty as I watched the moths flicker in the light between the grasses.
The bees airborne, winging their way in-between the daisies.
The deers leapt between the ferns. It was a beautiful summers day and I had freedom at my feet, the path ahead of me was mine.
There was peace in my mind and a source of pleasure in my heart.
I opened my eyes to the loveliness of the world for the first time in weeks.
It felt hunky-dory to feel alive, to feel at ease from the stresses of life. I felt free, free from heart ache and pain.
I turned a corner, I wanted to stay breathing, seeing the world and all its beauty.
I can’t say I’m fixed, I don’t think my heart will ever be, but I can see the light, I can see the sphere for what it is.
I can see that in time I will learn to deal with the pain and that if I open my mind and soul I can make life a good thing again.
Different from the life I dreamed of but I know that life goes on and if its meant to be, fate will intervene.
What will be will be.
I’m starting to understand myself, my situation and where I want to go, it’s the first step to overcoming the pain, sadness and accepting it.
So what more can I do but when it rains, dance in it. Let the storm clouds bring in new colours.