Every little girl has a dream, every little boy also.
Mine was to run and to run fast.
From the moment I could walk, the need for speed took over. My little pin legs would move faster than my body would allow, as I would take my brother down.
The feeling of pride, excitement and joy flooded my soul, with every street race, every race to the water’s edge, every sports day, I needed and wanted to win, and as I grow the love for that feeling grow even stronger. The love for the wind against my face, the screams of joy, hopes and fears from my family on the sidelines, the sense of accomplishment, achievement and pride as I flew over the finish line.
The anticipation, the silence, the adrenaline as I waited for the roar of the starting gun.
I was made for this, for every simple thing about it.
I craved, giving it my all, I craved everything about being on the track.
I was good, really good and I strongly believe it was calling.
Life though took me down many different roads, many I wish it hadn’t but all the while that passion never died, sadly my capability for speed got lost along the way and the dream become something that made my heart ache and gave me a gut punch of failure.
What if I had tried harder to say on course, what if I had shown the birdie to life and had the determination to fight for what I truly wanted?
I had the skill, I had the fitness, I had everything in the palms of my hands and I let it slip away.
What if I hadn’t?
Where would I be now?
Would I be happy or would I have different what if’s?
Life is full of the what if’s, regret and disappointments in oneself’s achievements and I think giving up on that dream was my biggest failing.
How different my life would have been, so very, very different.
All the while, while I’ve been sat here, badly pouring out my failings, my hopes and dreams, I know deep within my soul, that no matter how angry I get at myself, how very disappointed I am at my life’s choices, I have and once had a few wonderful things in my life, which I wouldn’t have had if I followed that dream and I’m pretty damn content knowing that I have this beautiful bundle of joy across from me, licking her jam off her toast and I know I’m the luckiest person alive because without that failure, without that crosswords, I wouldn’t have her smiling back at me.
I won the race and got the ultimate medal 🥇
I won Gold.