Days blend into one another, with no clue to which day of the week it is until Marly-Kate jumps uncontrollably up and down at the prospect of the weekend.
I’ve one very excited little lady willing no school and the freedom that the weekend brings her.
The last two weeks have been hard ones as the weather has changed and my body seems to have gone into shock as autumn chills my bones to core.
How I use to love autumn and winter, winter was by far my favourite time of the year.
Roaring fires, soft snuggly blankets, hot chocolate with all the trimmings 🍫 over sized hoodies, chunky socks, movie days, the crackle of frost under your feet, clear sky’s showing the winter sun in all its glory, moonlit starry sky’s, are just a few of winters pleasures.
Now those colder months bring fear, as well as bad health, constant pain and sleep deprived nights.
How I already long to feel warm even though autumn has only just joined us.
My last few weeks I’ve spent way to much time at the hospital either at appointments with consultants, X-rays, MRI’S, blood tests, infusions, venesection, just to name a few, then straight to bed with a hot water bottle, pain killers and extra blankets.
Sleep seems an impossibility even though my body is screaming at me to rest.
I feel, while I let my body try to heal I’m wasting my life away. It’s a no win situation that I so wish I didn’t have to deal with.
Thank goodness for Sammy, Rich and Brett, they have all been pretty amazing over the last few weeks.
I really don’t know where I would be without them.
On an up not, I actually managed to spend the day yesterday in my happy zone, I battled the elements, wrapped up warm and spend a great day, looking through census’, parish records, reliving history in my mind. We accomplished lots and answered the unanswerable questions that come with family stories that have been twisted and turned over the years and I feel pretty damn proud of myself right now. I rock at this research shit.😝
I also finished a project that I’ve worked on for months and its beautiful. The pride I felt as I made that last stitch, weaved in the ends and wrapped this huge blanket around myself.
I can’t believed I made it, I actually made something so beautiful that anyone would be frightened to use it. And what makes it even more special it’s big another for Marly and Me to both snuggle under and still room for another.
I don’t often find myself feeling pride, it’s always a case of “I could have done better” but I really wholeheartedly feel pride run through every inch of my being when I look at it. I really can’t believe these sore, ice-cold hands stitched every stitch. I’m over the moon with it, truly I am.
Hopefully Marly one day will pass it down to her children and her children’s children. Not that she is allowed to even talk to guys until she’s at least in her 30s.😂
Marly is still struggling with going to school, which breaks my heart, but the law is law and she has to go until I can work out if home schooling is the best foot forward.
I’m torn, totally torn on what is the best way forward. How can I teach her when some days, ok most days, I muddle my words and make no sense to myself let alone others? Along side that my brain will not remember facts, figures and information that she will need to grow her education.
Ask me anything about a time, a place, a memory in my life and I will remember the smallest simplest details. Memories are not a problem, my brain stores them instead of educational facts, which can be a bitch as I love knowledge, I love to learn. I think I’ll blame my meds and a constant morphine state of mind, lol. (I have to laugh it off or it will grind me down)
So anyway another week is over and the weekend is just out of reach and that means one thing, it’s time to take a little trip down memory lane with this weeks flashback.
So I’ll wish you good health, happiness and a free spirit and leave you until next time.
Stay safe, stay true, stay you.
Shimmer and Shine.
You are like a building with stained-glass windows.
You always shimmer and shine when the sun is out, but when darkness sets in your true magnificence is revealed only if there is light shining from within you.
It’s your duty, and yours alone, to keep your inner light shining bright. So learn to love yourself first. Loving yourself does not mean being selfish and narcissistic, or disregarding others. Rather, it means welcoming yourself as the most honoured guest in your own heart and mind…a guest worthy of extra care and respect. Whatever you are doing, love yourself for doing it. Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it. That’s a great start.